Tag: grief

Agenda

“The dying have their own agenda”

The night before Dan launched the hospice nurse sat us down for her “hard talk”. She told us “The dying have their own agenda as to when they are going to leave this world. So if you’re someone who is going to feel guilty or cheated because you weren’t there when they take their last breath, you need to get this. They might leave just when you step out of the room. Don’t wait. Tell Dan tonight how much you loved him, share good memories, and it’s okay to tell him that you will miss him but that you will be okay. It may not seem like it, but he can still hear you.”

I was glad for her frank talk but I thought he can’t be leaving this soon. Just that morning, another hospice nurse had told us that Dan had probably 4-6 more days. I had to go back home for a day, but maybe he would hang on until I returned. Besides, I didn’t even know what to say and didn’t want to break down. Dan had told me earlier in the day that I needed to be his “positive reinforcement” and to believe for his miraculous healing.

Several hours later, I slipped into Dan’s room and sat on the bed. I leaned down close to whisper in his ear so a group in the next room couldn’t hear me. Lord please help me to say goodbye.

I was surprised at how easily my feelings for him poured out of me. I told Dan I loved him and was grateful for every minute I had gotten with him. I shared some special memories of him and our trips and asked forgiveness for not always being a pleasant redhead. I shared that I had never felt loved by anyone as I did by him and that he had helped to heal a big hole in my heart. I cried as I told him that I would miss him terribly, but that I would be okay.

I sat back up and looked down at Dan’s face and saw one large beautiful tear coming down from his left eye. I knew he had heard me and I wanted to hold onto that precious perfect moment forever. The presence of the Holy Spirit filled the room and I could feel God’s eternal love for both of us. I was sad, but yet I felt joyful as the realization hit me that I would see Dan again.

Early the next morning, I briefly stepped out of Dan’s room to dig something out of my purse and seconds later he left. Like, I am not waiting around for you to find some gadget in that Bermuda Triangle purse of yours. The purse he bought me because my old one wasn’t “big enough”. I was like WTHeck? I was just talking to you!

I am so glad the hospice nurse had given us her hard talk. I may have mistakenly thought I had more time to think of the perfect way to say see you later….

Please don’t wait to share with someone how you feel.

Someone needs to hear this…. you can do this and I love you!

Babies From Ashes

The following is a story from my friend Tamara… Beauty from ashes over and over and over……

One of my friends kept trying to get pregnant and eventually just could not medically try anymore. While she lay in ICU she was wheeled to a recovery room and shared a room with a woman. The woman began to talk to her and as they talked the woman said, ” Do you want a baby, my daughter is about to have a baby and doesn’t want it?
My friend did not know what was happening because it was so fast that she and her husband took foster care classes and became the foster parents to a newborn that they watched come into the world.
Over time they became one of the top foster care families in the county. And now have officially adopted five.
They became known as the couple who has so much love to share that babies healed when placed with them. Children have had legs become straight, and be healed mentally and emotionally.
If you ask my friend she would say God called her to motherhood. She knew she was supposed to be a mother. She just didn’t know how it would happen. To God be the Glory it is happening. 🔥🙌💕

Elvis

5 pm: I parked my car and walked slowly towards the nursing home entrance. I wanted to pray over my cousin Susie and wasn’t sure how my Auntie Evonne and several other family members would react. I decided I would just pray quietly so it wouldn’t offend anyone.

I introduced myself to the first nurse I saw and told her I was looking for my aunt. She flashed me a huge smile “Oh you just missed them! Your aunt and her granddaughter just left for dinner 20 minutes ago, but they’ll be back.”

Yay! I’m alone and can pray in tongues now!

“Ok. I’d like to see my cousin Susie Johnson. What room is she in?”

“Hmmm I don’t think she is here. I think she is gone, but let me check her room”

As I waited for the nurse to return, I glanced down both long hallways looking for any sign of residents. It was so quiet that I figured since it was dinner time that they must all be in the dining room.

The nurse reappeared from a room with an armful of towels “ Yes. She’s gone.”

“Gone? For dinner?”

The nurse smiled ” No, no ….as in passed on. I think she left right after your aunt did, but you can go in and see her if you want. Room 102” Then she turned around and walked away.

I was like WTH? Passed on? Nurse Jackie just said “gone” like my cousin was only temporarily preoccupied. Maybe away dining on some gravy lathered mystery meat. Or in the shower. I then got on the phone to call my aunt and cousins to tell them that sadly Elvis had already left the building. Evonne replied “ Ok, well we haven’t ordered yet so it will be awhile”. What? Was I the only one distressed?

After the calls, I walked into Susie’s room and laid my hands on her feet and briefly prayed. I didn’t know about dead raising back then so I didn’t stay long. I finished my prayers and then apologized that I hadn’t gotten there earlier.

As I walked out Nurse Jackie waved to me and called out” Have a nice evening ! I’ll tell Evonne you were here!”

Today, I relayed this old story to my cousin Tom and we both started laughing! Like hysterically laughing! Isn’t that terrible! He said “they must see so much death that it no longer affects them.” Maybe.

I still wish I would have gotten there earlier. Time here is short. Please never pass up an opportunity to pray with someone.  Or tell them you and Big Sky Daddy loves them. Even if it’s by phone or text. Some day we will all leave the building and only the living will have regrets.

Make it a great week peeps!

Don’t Deliver Me

Can we just stop pressuring people to move forward quickly after a loss? We may not even realize we’re doing it and think we are helping. 

Evil spirit of grief? Someone said that to me awhile back and I thought you’re kidding me aren’t you? You want to deliver me of sadness? It’s your choice if you want to see a devil under every rock, but you aren’t going to push me so you can feel better.

If you have a hard time seeing someone’s grief pain because it makes you uncomfortable maybe you need to be the one to just move on.

I’ve cried a lot the past couple of days. Just when I felt it was getting easier, a wave of tears just hit me out of the blue. I really miss Dan. Miss him terribly.

I really need some peace right now. But maybe the only way to find peace is to cry right through the pain. To release the pain instead of hiding it away.

February will be a tough anniversary month for me and those who loved Dan. We committed to each other on 2/3, He died on 2/20 and the funeral was 2/27. I’d like to sleep thru February this year but life goes on. But so does the grief until I move through it.

Let people be with their grief process. You can’t do it for them nor speed it up. If you can’t handle it the kindest thing you can do is just get out of the way.

Thanks for your prayers, Beloveds.

Elvis Has Left The Building

5 pm: I parked my car and walked slowly toward the nursing home entrance. I wanted to pray over my cousin Susie and wasn’t sure how my Auntie Evonne and several other family members would react. I decided I would just pray quietly so it wouldn’t offend anyone.

I introduced myself to the first nurse I saw and told her I was looking for my aunt. She flashed me a huge smile “Oh you just missed them! They left for dinner 20 minutes ago, but they’ll be back.”

Yay! I’m alone and can pray in tongues now!

“Ok. I’d like to see my cousin Susie Johnson. What room is she in?”

“Hmmm I don’t think she is here. I think she is gone, but let me check her room”

As I waited for the nurse to return, I glanced down both long hallways looking for the residents. It was so quiet that I figured they must all be in the dining room.

The nurse reappeared from her room with an armful of towels “ Yes. She’s gone.”

“Gone? For dinner?”

The nurse smiled ” No, no ….as in passed on. I think she left right after your aunt did, but you can go in and see her if you want. Room 102” Then she turned around and walked away.

I was like WTH? Nurse Jackie had just said “gone” like my cousin was only temporarily preoccupied . Like maybe away dining on some gravy lathered mystery meat. Or in the shower. I then got on my phone and called my aunt and cousins to tell them that sadly Elvis had already left the building. Evonne replied “ Ok, well we haven’t ordered yet so it will be awhile” What? Was I the only one distressed?

After the calls, I walked into Susie’s room and laid my hands on her feet and briefly prayed. I didn’t know about dead raising back then so I didn’t stay long. When I finished my prayers I then apologized that I hadn’t gotten their earlier.

As I walked out Nurse Jackie waved to me and called out” Have a nice evening ! I’ll tell Evonne you were here!”

Today, I relayed this old story to my cousin Susie’s brother Tom and we both started laughing! Like hysterically laughing! Isn’t that terrible! He said “they must see so much death that it no longer affects them.” Maybe.

I still wish I would have gotten there earlier. Time here is short. Please never pass up an opportunity to pray with someone. Or tell them you and Big Sky Daddy loves them. Even if it’s by phone or text. Some day we will all leave the building and only the living will have regrets.

Make it a great week peeps!

Godly Show Off

For me, some January’s are worse then others. Its like a body memory. I feel this void. An unexplainable weirdness. Like something just ain’t right. Then it hits me. Mom! In 1991, our family spent most of that super cold month visiting my mother in hospice, until she launched on January 28th. Even though I have plenty of spiritual mothers, the death of your MOM leaves a hole that can’t quite be filled by anyone.

I wasn’t a Christian back then and I recall pleading with my mother, “Go with the people to the light! Do you understand me? Go with the people to the light!” The people? What people? What light? I wasn’t quite sure. I just knew that as a good little New Ager that was the most enlightened thing you could say to someone as they were exiting this plane. She was in a coma like state at the time, but I remember her lifting her head and nodding and I felt comforted by that. As I thought about it days and weeks later…. It was the first glimpse of hope for me that maybe there really was a God and that He moved her head, just for me.

Years later, I am so grateful to be a Christian. To not only know where I am headed, but as someone is dying to let them know where they can go too. Its never too late. Never! Or you can just raise them from the dead and tell
them some of your miraculous parking spot stories just to drive the point home! 🙂 Ha! Any testimony is a good testimony! 🙂 . Just know that when the inevitable end comes, Jesus will show up and you or your unbelieving loved one will go WHOA…..you are for real! And Jesus will give someone a last chance to accept Him. I really believe that. He does not wish that anyone perish. We are all energy AND energy never dies. Your energy or spirit will end up somewhere and I want Y’all to go to the TRUE light with me.

But wouldn’t it be nice to find Him now? To share Him now? This year, as the world seems to be in turmoil? How can you share the goodness of God to unbelievers? Or temporary unbelieving, believers? Not by being a weird a$$ Christian. You know, the Tupperware type of Christian who wants to build a downline. Or the one who annoyingly hands out tracts at Walmart or slips a bible verse into every conversation. You can reach people by just being real. By sharing stories of how God has worked in your life and how you have been changed. Better yet, don’t tell. Show. Be a Godly show off!

Special Love

2019: He walked into the room and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him. An energy and light emitted from him like a beautiful sunrise and I could feel a Godly presence. It was one of those moments when you knew your senses were in both realms and I was in awe. For months, I had heard all about him but this was the first time we had met. Destin, an RN from Hospice, calmly attended to my father as he spoke to him like an old friend. “Can he hear you?” ” Sure can. He’s tough and isn’t ready to go yet. What a character. I bet he was a fun dad.” I broke down and Destin stopped what he was doing.

“We haven’t always gotten along and its nice to have this quiet time with him.” I filled Destin and his partner in on what we and the staff had observed. I also told him that I had asked the staff that if they were Christian, would they please pray over him when they were in the room. The staff was very happy that I had given them permission as they had grown very attached to my father. Destin seemed surprised by this as I am sure that prayer isn’t a common request.

That opened the door to a discussion on the spiritual realm and how we could make this an easier transition for my father to launch, as I call it. It was so comforting to talk in a perspective I believed in and Destin’s light only shined brighter. God whispered I have a word for Destin and before I could argue with myself if this was appropriate “Do you know what a word of knowledge or prophecy is?” He looked surprised. “Why, yes I do.”

” God is showing me that you already have this in you. That you will help others transition peacefully as they will see how much God loves them and is known by Him. You will help families heal and restore their relationships by the words God will give you to say.” I went on to tell him other things that God was showing me about him and his future and Destin teared up. Yes Destin, you are loved and known by God too.

God is speaking all the time. To you and to others through you. Not of His judgement and condemnation, but of His love and mercy for His children. All of His children. Regardless if they believe yet or not. I decided today that I never want to miss an opportunity to be used by God so that people know His heart for them.

My father’s pending demise has been really bittersweet. I will miss him terribly but know that this is also a very special time for God’s love to shine.

Merry and Blessed Christmas my beloved peeps. May you all know God’s special love for you this week.

Love Never Dies

I sat on the edge of my bathtub and sobbed. Am I losing it? I can’t stop crying lately. I am physically and emotionally overwhelmed with decisions I need to make, upcoming surgeries, a new job, and I am still grieving Dan. The last thing I needed was 2 large cracks in my bathtub. My imagination ran wild with water gushing to the wood below, causing mildew and thousands of $ in repairs.

I stood up, put my head against the bathroom wall, continued to cry, and wished I could call Dan. “This bathroom needs some color, and a few inexpensive upgrades will make your place look less like the 1980s.” Two years ago, he painted these walls purple while I was at work and hung up a new light fixture.

My Dan could build or fix anything, and I had a reminder of him in every room of my house. Especially my purple bathroom! I recalled one day when I couldn’t figure out how to take down a ceiling light fixture. He laughed, “That’s why you have me!” as his 6’3″ self quickly reached up to remove it and replace a bulb.”

“God, I miss Dan so much! I wish he was still here. He was my rock. I know he is busy in heaven, but I hope he thinks about me sometimes. I wish someone would bring me some more orange flowers as a sign that he does.” Then I felt stupid about wanting a sign. Aren’t I a bigger believer than that? Besides, haven’t enough people brought me orange flowers since he died? Maybe people just do it because they think I expect it. If people did it out of duty then it would mean they were no longer from Heaven.

I continued to cry the next day as I wandered around my home, avoiding the cracks. Grow up, Jeanne! Call a handyman! God started to whisper, “you can fix this. It’s not that hard. Get your sister to help” Carolyn phoned a heartbeat later and was surprised I was so hysterical. “Geez, they are just cracks!” But she soon drove over, and I stood frozen in a corner of the bathroom while she easily epoxied the crevices. God whispered, “See! Was that so terrible”  No, it wasn’t, God. What is bad is feeling all alone and not having Dan here to go through life with me.” God continued, “But you’re never alone. You just think you are”.

The next day my friend Christine drove over to hang out for the afternoon. “Hello!” She yelled out as she came thru my back door.  I looked up to see her arms were loaded with stuff.  Is that what I think it is?  I squealed, “Did you bring me flowers?”  She handed me a bouquet wrapped in paper, “Yes, but the flowers are the weirdest color combination. I don’t know if you’ll even like it. It’s orange roses and purple lilies. Who would put orange and purple together?”

I know who would …. and they are perfect!  Love never dies, nor leaves you alone.