It’s been a rough couple of days still waiting for a call back on my CT scan. Fighting fear. Up late and sleeping late. I drove to a Starbucks to get a Trenta Cold Brew. Love or hate Starbucks, their Cold Brew makes me extremely happy.
As I went through the very long drive-thru, I called my friend Jim to talk about being fearful and how I was tired of medical issues. That lately, regardless of speaking to my mountain, I can’t seem to hear God nor hold on to peace for very long. That this is all triggering trauma for me. Not only from memories of Dan’s health fight but also my own recent “adventures.”
I told Jim I was surprised I even had any fear. Looking back, God has been faithful and had my back even when I didn’t deserve it. Shouldn’t I be trusting and at peace 24/7? Terrible feeling like a hypocrite when you minister to others about God’s goodness.
As I rambled on about trust, no trust, and how I shouldn’t be spending retirement money on coffee, I suddenly became annoyed at the car in front of me. It was apparent they had forgotten they were in a “moving” line, and in my head, I was yelling, “Pull up! Pull up!”
I continued to complain to Jim as I watched this vehicle finally reach the takeout window. I saw the “bucker,” as I call their employees, start to hand them out my Cold Brew but then pull it back. “WTH? Don’t be handing out my drink to those slowpoke strangers!”
Now I am really annoyed. When I finally reached the window, the bucker said, “The car in front of you bought your drink.” WHAT? I’m still talking to Jim and can’t hear her. “They paid for your drink!” I tell Jim, and he laughs, “God’s trying to tell you everything will be okay .”I smiled. He’s got this! God knows His girl loves Starbucks and Tulips. Free Starbucks! Maybe when I get home, my Tulips will have opened. It had been over a week, and they were still hiding.
Later that night, I looked over at my tulips, and they had literally bloomed while I was out that day. Then the memory of the free drink hit me like a sack of Holy Spirit bricks. I broke down and just started sobbing because I could feel His heart for me. I couldn’t settle down to actually hear Him say “no worries,” so He had to find another way to get my attention.
Then today, He prompted me to turn to K-LOVE radio in my car instead of making calls like I usually do. I can’t even tell you the last time I listened to any music in my vehicle. God spoke directly to me thru every song. He sang sweet reminders to me of trust, provision, and His goodness. A perfect playlist He had created just for me.
Has He ever communicated to you in a fashion you didn’t expect? When you just couldn’t hear Him in a way you are familiar with? Comfortable with? Even when we aren’t seeking Him, He tries to get our attention. His words may just be delivered in a way you’d never expect.
I don’t have all the answers, but He does, and I feel at peace.