This Just Sucks

April 22 2017

It was shortly after midnight when the night nurse walked in and introduced herself. “How are you doing?”

I grunted ” This just sucks!”.

She laughed, ” Yes it does !”

I thought she must not of heard me because she certainly wasn’t being very compassionate.” 😊 I repeated ” THIS JUST SUCKS!”

She laughed “Yes, it does!”

Me:”Well thanks for agreeing with me!”

Then we both started laughing! After that she started to tell about others she had seen moving quickly through the tough physical rehab and getting on with their lives after a traumatic car accident.

Sometimes before we start spewing Bible verses OR earthly or Godly wisdom we need to just connect with the person that is hurting. We need to momentarily connect with their fear, pain, hopelessness, depression, or anger. Doing that isn’t giving into the devil.

She wasn’t another person that wanted to rush in with a peptalk on how it wasn’t so bad and make light of my feelings. . I would be confined to a wheel chair for the next couple of months. She just got on my level and momentarily agreed with me.

Today, Pastor Aaron stopped by and let me get all of those emotions out, before he started giving me some solutions on moving forward.

Rick and Nancy stopped by and held my hand as I cried about my situation so I could get it out of my system.

We all are in such a big hurry to get people moving on with their healing that we bypass that part of them that needs to see the reality of how THEY FEEL about their situation so that they can see that God is so much greater and can and WILL bring a much better outcome. That He will supply all the energy and resources needed during their journey.

It’s funny that when we are in pain , someone most surely will tell you that you shouldn’t be. Specially if you’re Christian. We want to argue. This is my pain! Can’t you see I’m in pain? Don’t tell me I don’t have it!

Sad, but as humans that’s how we automatically react.

Anyway for those of you who have family or friends who are going through things right now, no matter where they are in it, momentarily connect and agree with them. When you do, you’ll see the switch and then you can start to offer solutions and options.

I feel like somebody needs to read this today. Like they’ve been fighting with someone to see the good side of their problem and they’re forgetting there’s a person with feelings attached to it.

Have a great Saturday peeps!

Agenda

“The dying have their own agenda”

The night before Dan launched the hospice nurse sat us down for her “hard talk”. She told us “The dying have their own agenda as to when they are going to leave this world. So if you’re someone who is going to feel guilty or cheated because you weren’t there when they take their last breath, you need to get this. They might leave just when you step out of the room. Don’t wait. Tell Dan tonight how much you loved him, share good memories, and it’s okay to tell him that you will miss him but that you will be okay. It may not seem like it, but he can still hear you.”

I was glad for her frank talk but I thought he can’t be leaving this soon. Just that morning, another hospice nurse had told us that Dan had probably 4-6 more days. I had to go back home for a day, but maybe he would hang on until I returned. Besides, I didn’t even know what to say and didn’t want to break down. Dan had told me earlier in the day that I needed to be his “positive reinforcement” and to believe for his miraculous healing.

Several hours later, I slipped into Dan’s room and sat on the bed. I leaned down close to whisper in his ear so a group in the next room couldn’t hear me. Lord please help me to say goodbye.

I was surprised at how easily my feelings for him poured out of me. I told Dan I loved him and was grateful for every minute I had gotten with him. I shared some special memories of him and our trips and asked forgiveness for not always being a pleasant redhead. I shared that I had never felt loved by anyone as I did by him and that he had helped to heal a big hole in my heart. I cried as I told him that I would miss him terribly, but that I would be okay.

I sat back up and looked down at Dan’s face and saw one large beautiful tear coming down from his left eye. I knew he had heard me and I wanted to hold onto that precious perfect moment forever. The presence of the Holy Spirit filled the room and I could feel God’s eternal love for both of us. I was sad, but yet I felt joyful as the realization hit me that I would see Dan again.

Early the next morning, I briefly stepped out of Dan’s room to dig something out of my purse and seconds later he left. Like, I am not waiting around for you to find some gadget in that Bermuda Triangle purse of yours. The purse he bought me because my old one wasn’t “big enough”. I was like WTHeck? I was just talking to you!

I am so glad the hospice nurse had given us her hard talk. I may have mistakenly thought I had more time to think of the perfect way to say see you later….

Please don’t wait to share with someone how you feel.

Someone needs to hear this…. you can do this and I love you!

Sonlight

Never fails to amaze me how tulips will bend and reach towards the sunlight.

Reminds me of people. God usually sends me atheists, new agers, unbelieving believers, or those who have been hurt by the church. I have found that deep down everyone wants proof that there is a God. A real time God who knows them by name. Easier to bend and reach for the light of the Son if you know you are loved and accepted. Without judgement. Regardless of how long you have hated or denied the existence of He who has created you.

Never too late…. Lord open my eyes and heart to you and your goodness!

Speak Up

I am a part of a weekly prophetic mentoring group that meets thru Zoom. This week, the leader asked if anyone wanted to share a time when they saw God working in their life. I decided to sit back as I wanted others to share as I frequently add to the conversation. God kept pressing me to say something and I thought it was just me. Nope. Going to drink my Cold Brew and be quiet. Finally, 10 minutes before the class ended, I gave in and told a quick story about bad boyfriends and how God wants us to wait for our Boaz. I started to prophesy to the single women in the group that God needed to pick out their next relationship and to stop grabbing onto the next thing who “looked” Godly. Time would tell if they were. Several people said, “Oh you are speaking to me! I needed to hear this”

One woman wrote in the chat that she had been waiting for me to say something as she knew I was supposed to. I thought really? Maybe that was the struggle in staying quiet.

What is the lesson here? If you think someone might have a word for you OR for the group speak up! Months earlier, in that same group, I said hey “so and so” I think you have a word for this person and it is JUST one word. He said the one word and then the rest rolled out and it meant so much to the recipient. We make this too hard. God is continually speaking to us ALL. Share what you are hearing.

Ha! Except for the time when a person told me God wanted me to join his MLM downline. I knew that was the “only $50 a month on auto-ship” devil.

Chips In The Oil

Recently, I was talking to a guy friend. Former boyfriend actually. I asked him if he had met anyone interesting and he said “no, my life is pretty boring lately. Besides, I have changed so much. I used to manipulate women with my sad stories and am just too old for the games now.” “Sad stories?” “Yes. I used to tell women how poor I was as a kid and then they would feel sorry for me and I would get sympathy sex.” “Oh really?” I nonchalantly replied as I quickly ran a scan on my memory hard drive. “Yes, one story I told was how we were soooo poor that we could not buy potato chips so my mother would peel a couple of slices off of potato and drop them into the oil so we could have a couple of chips with our lunch.

I started to laugh knowingly. Embarrassed, he asked if he happened to tell me that story too. “Yes, actually you did.” “Did it work on you?” “No, I recall I told you that I was sorry you were poor and offered to buy you the biggest bag of chips I could find to make up for it.” He laughed” Sometimes, you are just cold.” I just smiled and thought…Not cold, it just took you a little longer to suck me in.

Now I am talking about a lovely man who just happens to be a non-believer. He does not know how to act or think any other way than the flesh. If you recall I just asked him if he had met anyone interesting and I never asked if he was sleeping with anyone. Now I know some of you are thinking but I don’t know those kinds of men. I only know GODLY single men who would never play games. But just because you found yourself a single “Christian” man doesn’t mean anything until he repeatedly proves it by his actions. Don’t be so naive to think that some Godly men aren’t tossing a few slices in the oil and calling it Jesus.

I know some single Christian women who cry about not having a man but never venture out to find one. They basically drive to work and back home again. Now unless a man hurls himself onto your windshield how do you expect to ever meet one? It’s impossible. Reminds me of the homebody roommate I had years ago who developed a strange crush on the Dominoes delivery guy. Yep. Ordered it every weekend for over a year. Big world out there when you decide to participate.

Or what about the single women who continue to throw their lines into a limited pond? You know the ones. They go to church on Sunday, Wednesday and any other day it is open. They attend every conference, talk, or workshop, and all fight over the same 5 single men who are not available because they are also on the hunt and you ain’t her!

Then one day these women start to panic at living life alone and they jump at the first sighting of something that LOOKS Godly. You say well that is certainly not me but then you find yourself putting on something nice and starting to hit the groups you have never been to. You have traded a past life of hitting the bars for a church crawl so you can soberly scope out the available Godly talent. You are determined not to spend one more Holiday alone. You look around the room and observe the pack for a while. You ignore the speaker because you are too busy categorizing every male in the place. Hmmm, married, taken, too old, too young, crazy, weird, homeless, potential stalker, and then you see someone who appears normal and available. You watch from afar and are suddenly mesmerized by how he raises his hands and voice in worship. His left hand is ringless and you are encouraged. He occasionally pauses to flip open his bible and you know the Lord is speaking words of wisdom to him. He is not easily distracted and listens intently to the speakers. Your heart races and you think oh I want a Godly man just like him! One that worships and reads his bible! I can even bring him to conferences instead of going with my girlfriends. We can volunteer together and start a ministry and and and….. Girl wake up. Let me slap you upside your head right now before you get caught up in the trance. As soon as he bags you or his ideal woman he won’t be going to any more conferences. I don’t care how Godly he looks as only time will tell if he is just playing your game. The “I know you all are looking for a Godly man so I will gladly play the part” game. Are all men like this? No. But take the time to check it out. Just sayin.

Next time you spot someone new take a breath and pause before you get all tingly because he appears to be the man you have been waiting for. Or stop when fear grips you and you feel like you will live the rest of your days alone. So ALONE that you will probably lie dead on the floor for days with your face half eaten away by your 8 cats before anyone thinks to check on you. Don’t let that fear or panic control you so that you plan to grab the next available guy that comes along just because you are afraid you have no other options.

You shake your head and say that is not me but we all know how it starts…ha! Is he single? Yes? Really? Oh my! Single AND a Christian! This must be the one. I know Papa God said I would meet my mate in church one day. He is kind of cute but I would definitely have to dress him differently and OMGoodness his hair! He does need a woman. I hope he has a job. No? That’s okay we can start our ministry right away. What? He does? A good job? Yay, God! DING DING DING DING DING!!!!! Winner Winner Chicken Dinner! Now I KNOW he is the one. Why else would God have me come here on this particular night AND me having a good hair day? Single, Christian, and a job! Yes, I could definitely make this work!!!!!

Slow down Ruth and wait for your Boaz. God may have some work to do on him yet. Or worse yet maybe some work to do on you. Gasp! Be open to being led by God, even if it means having to get out of your house, church, or nearest revival center to do it. There just might be some lovely man out in the world who isn’t quite a Christian yet. Remember you weren’t always quite the believer you are now. Or it might be someone you would never think would be your type. Or someone you already met or see on a regular basis and I am not talking about the pizza guy. Might be someone who would be perfect for you if you just gave him half a chance to prove he is or could be the Godly man you always hoped for.

No High like…..

Tonight I was in a live zoom meeting and was distracted trying to listen while multi-tasking. At the end, Shawn Bolz was praying over us and God said “You need to hear this” and BAM……

The Holy Spirit hit me and I was just completely wrecked! My head fell into my hands and I couldn’t move as Shawn finished speaking. Then they announced the recording had stopped, but some people were still hanging on. I am sure, on camera, I must have looked like I was high or in a sugar coma :). I sat motionless, with my head down, for several minutes until I could reach up and shut my laptop. I then sat for another 10 minutes glued to my chair! Second time this week. Been a long time since I have felt a tangible Holy Ghost presence. It was an almost daily occurrence when I was a new believer.

While He had my undistracted attention He said:

“This is what you in Me and Me in you feels like in your flesh. It is overwhelming and your mind can’t comprehend it. It spills out of your heart or your spirit center and floods your body. I give my children this tangible feeling so that they know I am real and that I abide in them and they in Me. Hold this feeling in your heart. Imprint it on your heart. I haven’t gone anywhere. My spirit does not come on you, my spirit is always in you. In you. With you. Not beside you. You are in Me and I am in you. You won’t feel this 24/7 but that does not mean it is not TRUTH. It’s the Spirit’s truth.

I knew exactly what He meant even though I find it hard to articulate it now.

I believe we are all going to have more incidences of the tangible presence of the Lord. I still feel like I have had a couple of glasses of wine.

No high like the Most High 🙂

God’s Garden

One plants, one waters, one harvests.

We need to stop thinking that we have to do it all or we aren’t a true son. That unless, in a single encounter, we can make Jesus real, score a “sinners prayer” and build a Holy Spirit down line that we are failures!

Andrew was the first of the apostles to share his faith and bring another to Christ. Andrew’s testimony touched Peter who then went on to become one of the most influential apostles. Peter wrote 2 books of the Bible and brought thousands to Christ thru Holy Spirit signs and wonders! I don’t recall a book of Andrew in my ESV, but without Andrew there would be no Peter.

I’ve had people tell me there is no way they could do what I do. Nice pat on the back and I wish I could take more credit. But, I told God a long time ago that He had to land them in my lap and then light ‘em up. No guessing who He wants to chat with. Then fill my mouth with His words. His love. His healing. With no Mall Police escort out of the building. I am not kidding 🙂

You see I don’t like to be bothered when I am shopping. Or dining. Or getting a mammogram. If you know me well, you know that I get panicked in crowds. And the first thing I look for when I enter a room is the exit.

But when God turns on the light I get out of the way and He shines. Not me. I don’t have to do anything but repeat what He tells me.

Le Him decide what part you and I play in His garden.

Have a lovely week, Beloveds!
Andy

Love To Hate

Do you have anyone you love to hate? Or do you harbor un-forgiveness towards anyone for the pain they have caused you? To the point that anything they do becomes another reason to re-ignite those negative feelings or justifies your willingness in pointing out their flaws or mistakes? To anyone that will listen to you?

No? Are you sure? I had one of those people in my life, until just recently. I heard they were going to a conference to encounter the Holy Spirit so I asked a couple of people to pray with me that “Tori” would be whacked. So WHACKED that she would do carpet time and be laid out for a couple of hours until all of the stuff that ever irritated or hurt me would be healed right out of her. So she never does it again! Fix her Lord!

When I asked Tori how her conference went, I was surprised when she said it had been amazing. That she had finally just gave everything over to God to heal. All of it. That she had been profoundly touched and felt God in such a tangible way that it had been life changing. She started to cry and I could see a visible change in her. She looked softer and 10 years younger. I could see on a spiritual level that she was really free. I was overwhelmed with emotion and started to cry with her. She suddenly got up and said I need to hug you. Tori put her arms around me and we just stood there. Not saying anything. Just both crying.

If anyone, that knows us both, would have walked by and saw this, they would have thought Jesus had returned. Shared tears and hugs? Never in a million years! But God had other plans. I cried off and on, for most of the day. The Holy Spirit just kept hitting me over and over again. Not only was I happy for her, but I was happy for me. God suddenly removed 20 years of anger and hurt towards her. In a heartbeat it was gone!

Gone were 20 wasted years of loathing someone who had just as many issues to heal as I did. I just never saw it that way. She wasn’t evil, just in pain and hurting people hurt people. The beautiful thing was that I had just asked God last week to heal this issue between us, once and for all. I was willing to just give it all to Him. First time ever that I was ready to let it all go.

Isn’t it amazing what surrendering can do? Not out of fear, but out of trust? Trust that He can fix the impossible. And you don’t even have to wait until Jesus comes back. 🙂 He can do the impossible now. What do you need Daddy God to fix? Fix once and for all?

Holy Hat Trick

It has been stressful looking for a car after mine was totaled in a recent accident. Thursday, I was even up all night looking at cars online. A photo listing kept popping up of a RAV4 that looked faded like it had sat out in the sun for a couple of years. it was also an odd color. Like the color of an old Eggplant. I could see what looked like dirt or dents on the hood and bald tires. That was probably why the car hadn’t sold and the price had dropped several times in the past month. I couldn’t understand why it kept coming up! NOPE. Unless it’s free, that ain’t my car. I imagined my friends asking me if I was in the witness protection program and sending me Eggplant emojis… 😉

I was so overwhelmed looking at cars that I finally gave in and set up an appointment to see the Eggplant as I needed to start somewhere. A saleswoman at the dealership emailed me back and set up a test drive for the next day, which was Saturday. As I was getting ready for bed, I was surprised when God started downloading a word for the saleswoman. I rarely get a long WOK or Prophecy prior to meeting someone. “God if this is you, I won’t remember all of this tomorrow!” God laughed “No, but I will.” Ok. I decided I would wait until we were done looking at cars as I didn’t want it to hinder any negotiations if I saw a car I was interested in. I just knew I wasn’t driving the Eggplant home.

When I woke up I didn’t want to go. I was tired and not excited about being trapped at a car dealer on a busy Saturday. I decided to text “Sherri” and change our meeting to Monday instead. Of course, God had other plans and He soon put my shoes on and drove me to the dealership.

As I pulled out of the parking lot to take the car for a test drive God said “tell her NOW.” I was too tired to argue with Big Sky Daddy and let it rip, “Sherri, I know this is weird but God told me last night that you really should be in the finance department so you can have better hours and make more money. Are you a single parent or have a lot of people you are responsible for? God wants to make things easier for you this year.” I went on to tell her that her coworkers loved her and that she was a bright light at work. She was a hard worker, went over and above, and was very direct. It was a lengthy word and I won’t bore you with the rest BUT…she starts crying! I am test-driving a car and the salesperson is CRYING!

She said, “how did you know all this?” I said, “God told me last night.” She said “there is no way you would know this! I cried on my way to work today and told my manager when I got in that there is an opening in finance and I want it. My daughter decided she is moving to Texas with my brother and leaving today. She is also leaving my two grandchildren with me to take care of. She can’t handle them anymore. They are 1 and 3. You don’t even know how much I needed to hear this today!” Now I started to tear up and took the next exit, “Wow. Ok, I’ll take the car. I know God set up this whole day for the both of us.”

So we went back and sat down to start the paperwork. Sherri kept telling me how blown away she was. Then she found her manager and asked me to tell her what God had said to me. The manager smiled and kept nodding her head. She is a believer too and remarked, “Yes when it comes to God there are no coincidences.” Then another employee got introduced to me and I gave him a word. I said ” Do you like your job? Because God is telling me that you are in the perfect place for you right now.” He smiled ” Great, I think so too. Besides, I was in car sales for a while and I sucked at it.” He then asked me if I was a psychic or if I gave readings. This is ALWAYS a fun one to answer.

I finally ended up in the finance office with two managers, one of them I’ll call Pete. “Pete,” asked me what I did now that I was retired. “Hmmm. Working on a book and I am in ministry. “Really?” “Yes” So Pete leaves the office and when he came back asked again, “Are you really in ministry?” “Yes” Apparently, the red hair must just throw people off as no one ever believes me 🙂. He left the office again and came back in and asked if I was a minister would I pray for him as he really needed it. “Ok, I’ll do it now”. Pete started to kind of freak out because he wasn’t expecting that. People always expect you to say yes, but forget later to pray. Why wait? 🙂 I winked at him as I assured him I wasn’t going to read his mail. Even though God showed me generally what was going on with Pete, He put these words in my mouth ” God is telling me that you regret moving here. You wonder if you made a huge mistake. But God is going to smooth everything out for you. No matter what it looks like now. You also need to stop worrying about money. God is also going to heal a relationship that you have been struggling with for quite a while this year.” Pete’s mouth dropped open and his eyes teared up for a heartbeat. It was so beautiful to witness. You can always tell when God has connected with someone’s heart because you don’t have to give out any more details. The Holy Spirit is a big boy and can handle it from there. Pete thanked me numerous times and told me how much he needed to hear from God today.

I finally got home at 5pm and sat for 2 hours unpacking what had just happened. I was more excited by Big Sky Daddy’s Hat Trick than I was about my new car! I wondered what God’s kids told their friends and family later. Sharing God’s love in action always has a ripple effect. Good reminder to share your stories.

Oh, and my car looks nothing like the photo. Clean and scratch-free, inside and out. New tires. Low mileage. MN Viking Purple. It is perfect and was waiting for me.

It was a God-awesome Saturday! This stuff NEVER gets old!

Imperfect

Sometimes I wonder how I can even be in ministry. I admit I can be terrible. Especially when I am really angry or afraid. I won’t even be fully aware of spontaneously dropping F-bombs. Rapid fire, machine gun F BOMBS! 🙂 I like to blame it on my red hair. Or the devil. It definitely isn’t His spirit in me 🙂. My therapist told me a long time ago that I need to make peace with my sometimes “highly excitable personality.” Yikes. Why can’t I just be a new person in Christ and stay there?

I was recently in a car accident. It was a shocker because I didn’t see the other car. I heard a loud bang and then saw a grey blur of metal as the impact spun my car a 180. It all happened in a heartbeat! I sat in my car shaking. What just happened? I looked down and I had red marks across my chest from the seatbelt and my left thumb was already turning colors. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw that the other driver looked much older than me. Was she okay? I was shocked and sat frozen, unable to get out of my car and access the situation. I finally caught my breath and called 911 and told them there had been an accident.

Where are you located?

I am not sure. I’m really rattled. In Maple Grove. By Walmart. Across from Valvoline. By Starbucks. That side.

Where are you? Southbound? Northbound? What road?.

Uh Uh Uh, Southbound.

I started to hyperventilate. I couldn’t recall the name of the road even though I probably drive it every day. I continued to tell her the landmarks, a block from X highway etc. and she starts screaming at me!

SCREAMING!!!

MAAM! WHY DON’T YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE? YOU NEED TO BE AWARE OF WHERE YOU ARE DRIVING!!! YOU NEED TO KNOW THE NAME OF THE STREETS YOU ARE DRIVING ON AT ALL TIMES!!! YOU NEED TO….

Her screaming was not making me think any clearer. I’m thinking, why are you yelling at me? Lady, you have no idea if I have a head injury or if my breast is cut off. Hmmm Maybe I hit my head and am worse than I realized! Now I am really panicked so I start screaming back….

Me: What the F$#@$!##@!!!!! I am rattled! I am trying to F@#$#@-ing tell you where I am and F@#$##……

OP: Stop yelling at me! Stop swearing at Me!

Me: You stop yelling at me!!!!! I’m sorry but aren’t you supposed to be the calm one? You aren’t helping this……

I mistakenly gave her the name of a street across the highway from me and she says “No you aren’t there you are on X !!!” Ahhhh….so she knew all along. 🙂 Ha! Maybe she was trying to find out if I had been day drinking.

OP: Are you blocking a lane?

Me: We are off to the side of the road and cars are going around us.

OP: THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM ASKING YOU!!!!!!! ARE YOU…..

This exchange goes on for a couple more minutes and then she finally screams “ YES YOU ARE BLOCKING A LANE!!!!! WAIT FOR AN OFFICER!!!!” Then hangs up on me. I’m thinking, don’t leave? I can’t even talk right now. I then decided to reach out for prayer so I could calm the F@$@#$# down.

We both were obviously not having a good day and she was just trying to quickly assess the situation. I cannot imagine this exchange if it was a murder scene or an abduction. Later, I told the officer that the 911 OP was a real @#$#@#. He just smiled. Hmmm, Maybe he knows her. 🙂 My sister, who showed up to help later said to me “ Do you realize when you said that he had his body cam on?”

OOPS. God is still working on this Redhead, but that doesn’t stop Him from using me. Or you.

Forgive yourself for not being perfect. Only Big Sky Daddy is perfect and He already loves and adores you. Even if you spontaneously drop an F@#$#%%.

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