Sometimes I wonder how I can even be in ministry. I admit I can be terrible. Especially when I am really angry or afraid. I won’t even be fully aware of spontaneously dropping F-bombs. Rapid fire, machine gun F BOMBS! 🙂 I like to blame it on my red hair. Or the devil. It definitely isn’t His spirit in me 🙂. My therapist told me a long time ago that I need to make peace with my sometimes “highly excitable personality.” Yikes. Why can’t I just be a new person in Christ and stay there?
I was recently in a car accident. It was a shocker because I didn’t see the other car. I heard a loud bang and then saw a grey blur of metal as the impact spun my car a 180. It all happened in a heartbeat! I sat in my car shaking. What just happened? I looked down and I had red marks across my chest from the seatbelt and my left thumb was already turning colors. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw that the other driver looked much older than me. Was she okay? I was shocked and sat frozen, unable to get out of my car and access the situation. I finally caught my breath and called 911 and told them there had been an accident.
Where are you located?
I am not sure. I’m really rattled. In Maple Grove. By Walmart. Across from Valvoline. By Starbucks. That side.
Where are you? Southbound? Northbound? What road?.
Uh Uh Uh, Southbound.
I started to hyperventilate. I couldn’t recall the name of the road even though I probably drive it every day. I continued to tell her the landmarks, a block from X highway etc. and she starts screaming at me!
MAAM! WHY DON’T YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE? YOU NEED TO BE AWARE OF WHERE YOU ARE DRIVING!!! YOU NEED TO KNOW THE NAME OF THE STREETS YOU ARE DRIVING ON AT ALL TIMES!!! YOU NEED TO….
Her screaming was not making me think any clearer. I’m thinking, why are you yelling at me? Lady, you have no idea if I have a head injury or if my breast is cut off. Hmmm Maybe I hit my head and am worse than I realized! Now I am really panicked so I start screaming back….
Me: What the F$#@$!##@!!!!! I am rattled! I am trying to F@#$#@-ing tell you where I am and F@#$##……
OP: Stop yelling at me! Stop swearing at Me!
Me: You stop yelling at me!!!!! I’m sorry but aren’t you supposed to be the calm one? You aren’t helping this……
I mistakenly gave her the name of a street across the highway from me and she says “No you aren’t there you are on X !!!” Ahhhh….so she knew all along. 🙂 Ha! Maybe she was trying to find out if I had been day drinking.
OP: Are you blocking a lane?
Me: We are off to the side of the road and cars are going around us.
OP: THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM ASKING YOU!!!!!!! ARE YOU…..
This exchange goes on for a couple more minutes and then she finally screams “ YES YOU ARE BLOCKING A LANE!!!!! WAIT FOR AN OFFICER!!!!” Then hangs up on me. I’m thinking, don’t leave? I can’t even talk right now. I then decided to reach out for prayer so I could calm the F@$@#$# down.
We both were obviously not having a good day and she was just trying to quickly assess the situation. I cannot imagine this exchange if it was a murder scene or an abduction. Later, I told the officer that the 911 OP was a real @#$#@#. He just smiled. Hmmm, Maybe he knows her. 🙂 My sister, who showed up to help later said to me “ Do you realize when you said that he had his body cam on?”
OOPS. God is still working on this Redhead, but that doesn’t stop Him from using me. Or you.
Forgive yourself for not being perfect. Only Big Sky Daddy is perfect and He already loves and adores you. Even if you spontaneously drop an F@#$#%%.