Tag: bad relationships

Speak Up

I am a part of a weekly prophetic mentoring group that meets thru Zoom. This week, the leader asked if anyone wanted to share a time when they saw God working in their life. I decided to sit back as I wanted others to share as I frequently add to the conversation. God kept pressing me to say something and I thought it was just me. Nope. Going to drink my Cold Brew and be quiet. Finally, 10 minutes before the class ended, I gave in and told a quick story about bad boyfriends and how God wants us to wait for our Boaz. I started to prophesy to the single women in the group that God needed to pick out their next relationship and to stop grabbing onto the next thing who “looked” Godly. Time would tell if they were. Several people said, “Oh you are speaking to me! I needed to hear this”

One woman wrote in the chat that she had been waiting for me to say something as she knew I was supposed to. I thought really? Maybe that was the struggle in staying quiet.

What is the lesson here? If you think someone might have a word for you OR for the group speak up! Months earlier, in that same group, I said hey “so and so” I think you have a word for this person and it is JUST one word. He said the one word and then the rest rolled out and it meant so much to the recipient. We make this too hard. God is continually speaking to us ALL. Share what you are hearing.

Ha! Except for the time when a person told me God wanted me to join his MLM downline. I knew that was the “only $50 a month on auto-ship” devil.

Chips In The Oil

Recently, I was talking to a guy friend. Former boyfriend actually. I asked him if he had met anyone interesting and he said “no, my life is pretty boring lately. Besides, I have changed so much. I used to manipulate women with my sad stories and am just too old for the games now.” “Sad stories?” “Yes. I used to tell women how poor I was as a kid and then they would feel sorry for me and I would get sympathy sex.” “Oh really?” I nonchalantly replied as I quickly ran a scan on my memory hard drive. “Yes, one story I told was how we were soooo poor that we could not buy potato chips so my mother would peel a couple of slices off of potato and drop them into the oil so we could have a couple of chips with our lunch.

I started to laugh knowingly. Embarrassed, he asked if he happened to tell me that story too. “Yes, actually you did.” “Did it work on you?”  “No, I recall I told you that I was sorry you were poor and offered to buy you the biggest bag of chips I could find to make up for it.” He laughed” Sometimes, you are just cold.” I just smiled and thought…Not cold, it just took you a little longer to suck me in.

Now I am talking about a lovely man who just happens to be a non-believer. He does not know how to act or think any other way than the flesh. If you recall I just asked him if he had met anyone interesting and I never asked if he was sleeping with anyone. Now I know some of you are thinking but I don’t know those kinds of men. I only know GODLY single men who would never play games. But just because you found yourself a single “Christian” man doesn’t mean anything until he repeatedly proves it by his actions. Don’t be so naive to think that some Godly men aren’t tossing a few slices in the oil and calling it Jesus.

I know some single Christian women who cry about not having a man but never venture out to find one. They basically drive to work and back home again. Now unless a man hurls himself onto your windshield how do you expect to ever meet one? It’s impossible. Reminds me of the homebody roommate I had years ago who developed a strange crush on the Dominoes delivery guy.  Yep. Ordered it every weekend for over a year. Big world out there when you decide to participate.

Or what about the single women who continue to throw their lines into a limited pond? You know the ones. They go to church on Sunday, Wednesday and any other day it is open. They attend every conference, talk, or workshop, and all fight over the same 5 single men who are not available because they are also on the hunt and you ain’t her!

Then one day these women start to panic at living life alone and they jump at the first sighting of something that LOOKS Godly. You say well that is certainly not me but then you find yourself putting on something nice and starting to hit the groups you have never been to. You have traded a past life of hitting the bars for a church crawl so you can soberly scope out the available Godly talent. You are determined not to spend one more Holiday alone. You look around the room and observe the pack for a while. You ignore the speaker because you are too busy categorizing every male in the place. Hmmm, married, taken, too old, too young, crazy, weird, homeless, potential stalker, and then you see someone who appears normal and available. You watch from afar and are suddenly mesmerized by how he raises his hands and voice in worship. His left hand is ringless and you are encouraged. He occasionally pauses to flip open his bible and you know the Lord is speaking words of wisdom to him. He is not easily distracted and listens intently to the speakers. Your heart races and you think oh I want a Godly man just like him! One that worships and reads his bible! I can even bring him to conferences instead of going with my girlfriends. We can volunteer together and start a ministry and and and….. Girl wake up. Let me slap you upside your head right now before you get caught up in the trance. As soon as he bags you or his ideal woman he won’t be going to any more conferences. I don’t care how Godly he looks as only time will tell if he is just playing your game. The “I know you all are looking for a Godly man so I will gladly play the part” game. Are all men like this? No. But take the time to check it out. Just sayin.

Next time you spot someone new take a breath and pause before you get all tingly because he appears to be the man you have been waiting for. Or stop when fear grips you and you feel like you will live the rest of your days alone. So ALONE that you will probably lie dead on the floor for days with your face half eaten away by your 8 cats before anyone thinks to check on you. Don’t let that fear or panic control you so that you plan to grab the next available guy that comes along just because you are afraid you have no other options.

You shake your head and say that is not me but we all know how it starts…ha! Is he single? Yes? Really? Oh my! Single AND a Christian! This must be the one. I know Papa God said I would meet my mate in church one day. He is kind of cute but I would definitely have to dress him differently and OMGoodness his hair! He does need a woman. I hope he has a job. No? That’s okay we can start our ministry right away. What? He does? A good job? Yay, God! DING DING DING DING DING!!!!! Winner Winner Chicken Dinner! Now I KNOW he is the one. Why else would God have me come here on this particular night AND me having a good hair day? Single, Christian, and a job! Yes, I could definitely make this work!!!!!

Slow down Ruth and wait for your Boaz. God may have some work to do on him yet. Or worse yet maybe some work to do on you. Gasp! Be open to being led by God, even if it means having to get out of your house, church, or nearest revival center to do it. There just might be some lovely man out in the world who isn’t quite a Christian yet. Remember you weren’t always quite the believer you are now. Or it might be someone you would never think would be your type. Or someone you already met or see on a regular basis and I am not talking about the pizza guy. Might be someone who would be perfect for you if you just gave him half a chance to prove he is or could be the Godly man you always hoped for.

By-eeeee

Many years ago, my very wise older sister Kathy stopped me cold mid-rant and said, “Do you need permission? “

“What? “

“Do you need permission not to involve yourself with this person anymore? I permit you to stop subjecting yourself to this person’s abuse. I give your permission to end the friendship.”

I was dumbfounded at first and then relieved! I ended my relationship that day and said goodbye to the drama. I just needed someone to say that it was okay to do so because I couldn’t help myself. Ever feel like that?

Why is it that sometimes we hang on to old stuff, new stuff, or even someone else’s stuff that isn’t working for us? Why do we feel we have to continue to struggle to make things work? Or to fix things? Especially with people who are crazy-making companions at best? Sometimes it takes too much energy to pretend someone’s behavior is, well…normal. So why do we do it? Because there is something inside us that wants to complete something that we started. Cross the T’s. Dot the i’s. Finish off the chips. Make sense of it all.

Sometimes it is good to finish everything we started, and sometimes it is just plain wrong. Can anyone hear me out there about this? God isn’t expecting us to fix anyone or any situation. Only He can do that. You aren’t a failure if you can’t or don’t want to hang in there to see something through that was never your burden to bear in the first place. Sometimes it starts out good, and we don’t see the crazy card until we are well into the game. Or sometimes we have shared too much of our secrets or given up too much of ourselves to another person and dread what would happen if all of this ended. Abruptly. What would we lose? Or what would be exposed? So we hang on to something that should have been cut off years ago, worrying about our reputations and our other 6 degrees of separation and hang on to madness to protect ourselves.

But if you can’t fix something, you also can’t protect yourself if someone decides to GO there for whatever reason. I have people who still talk about me from years ago. Now, I call it free publicity.

Don’t worry. I give you all permission today to stop anything that isn’t working for you. I promise you God will pick up the pieces and make wrong out of right. If He is for you anyone who is against you will not win in the end!

Life here on earth is way too short to throw pearls before swine. Give it up and give it to God. Tell the person you are taking a break and giving it a rest. An indefinite pause. Time to let go of the lies, abuse, and negativity. Time to let go of someone or something that is holding you up or holding you back.

Time to break the news. Even if that person you are breaking it to is yourself.

Crazy Fun

Years ago, my ex-boyfriend, Steve, had a roommate Bob who dated a woman named “Sharon.” Bob didn’t care that Sharon was married till he found out that her husband was a Sheriff. One day, Steve came home to find Sharon’s car in their garage, and she was passed out in the backseat. Sharon liked to day-drink and had shown up at their house while Steve was at work. Bob decided to hide her and her vehicle in the garage if the Sheriff did a drive-by.

Steve was angry and told Bob to get rid of Sharon. Especially since the Sheriff had recently trailed Bob, obtained his phone number, and left him a message to leave his wife alone. Or else! Bob drove Sharon’s car to her home, with her still in the back, and parked it outside on the street. He put the keys in the glove, locked the doors, and walked to a nearby bus stop.

It took Bob an hour and a half and 3 connecting buses later to arrive back at his home. He walked in the front door and was greeted by Sharon, drinking a wine cooler. She had woken up, driven the 15 minutes back to Bob’s, and was waiting for him. Like nothing had happened. I remember Steve was furious that they had to hide Sharon and her car again. Luckily, Sharon slept it off and made it back home that night before hubby got off his night shift.

Bob had many more adventures with Sharon before realizing that married women, alcohol, and Sheriffs were not a good mix. And Bob didn’t even drink! He just hung out at bars looking for women in a “position” to make bad decisions. He was attracted to her because she was crazy fun, then later found out she was just plain crazy.

I had forgotten about this story until tonight when one of my guy friends started talking about dating crazy women. We laughed!!! Oh my. I do not miss those days at all. God’s word says not to look in your rearview mirror because you do not live there anymore. I believe sometimes you need to at least take a glance back and realize how glad you are that you don’t.