Elvis

5 pm: I parked my car and walked slowly towards the nursing home entrance. I wanted to pray over my cousin Susie and wasn’t sure how my Auntie Evonne and several other family members would react. I decided I would just pray quietly so it wouldn’t offend anyone.

I introduced myself to the first nurse I saw and told her I was looking for my aunt. She flashed me a huge smile “Oh you just missed them! Your aunt and her granddaughter just left for dinner 20 minutes ago, but they’ll be back.”

Yay! I’m alone and can pray in tongues now!

“Ok. I’d like to see my cousin Susie Johnson. What room is she in?”

“Hmmm I don’t think she is here. I think she is gone, but let me check her room”

As I waited for the nurse to return, I glanced down both long hallways looking for any sign of residents. It was so quiet that I figured since it was dinner time that they must all be in the dining room.

The nurse reappeared from a room with an armful of towels “ Yes. She’s gone.”

“Gone? For dinner?”

The nurse smiled ” No, no ….as in passed on. I think she left right after your aunt did, but you can go in and see her if you want. Room 102” Then she turned around and walked away.

I was like WTH? Passed on? Nurse Jackie just said “gone” like my cousin was only temporarily preoccupied. Maybe away dining on some gravy lathered mystery meat. Or in the shower. I then got on the phone to call my aunt and cousins to tell them that sadly Elvis had already left the building. Evonne replied “ Ok, well we haven’t ordered yet so it will be awhile”. What? Was I the only one distressed?

After the calls, I walked into Susie’s room and laid my hands on her feet and briefly prayed. I didn’t know about dead raising back then so I didn’t stay long. I finished my prayers and then apologized that I hadn’t gotten there earlier.

As I walked out Nurse Jackie waved to me and called out” Have a nice evening ! I’ll tell Evonne you were here!”

Today, I relayed this old story to my cousin Tom and we both started laughing! Like hysterically laughing! Isn’t that terrible! He said “they must see so much death that it no longer affects them.” Maybe.

I still wish I would have gotten there earlier. Time here is short. Please never pass up an opportunity to pray with someone.  Or tell them you and Big Sky Daddy loves them. Even if it’s by phone or text. Some day we will all leave the building and only the living will have regrets.

Make it a great week peeps!

Speak Up

I am a part of a weekly prophetic mentoring group that meets thru Zoom. This week, the leader asked if anyone wanted to share a time when they saw God working in their life. I decided to sit back as I wanted others to share as I frequently add to the conversation. God kept pressing me to say something and I thought it was just me. Nope. Going to drink my Cold Brew and be quiet. Finally, 10 minutes before the class ended, I gave in and told a quick story about bad boyfriends and how God wants us to wait for our Boaz. I started to prophesy to the single women in the group that God needed to pick out their next relationship and to stop grabbing onto the next thing who “looked” Godly. Time would tell if they were. Several people said, “Oh you are speaking to me! I needed to hear this”

One woman wrote in the chat that she had been waiting for me to say something as she knew I was supposed to. I thought really? Maybe that was the struggle in staying quiet.

What is the lesson here? If you think someone might have a word for you OR for the group speak up! Months earlier, in that same group, I said hey “so and so” I think you have a word for this person and it is JUST one word. He said the one word and then the rest rolled out and it meant so much to the recipient. We make this too hard. God is continually speaking to us ALL. Share what you are hearing.

Ha! Except for the time when a person told me God wanted me to join his MLM downline. I knew that was the “only $50 a month on auto-ship” devil.

Chips In The Oil

Recently, I was talking to a guy friend. Former boyfriend actually. I asked him if he had met anyone interesting and he said “no, my life is pretty boring lately. Besides, I have changed so much. I used to manipulate women with my sad stories and am just too old for the games now.” “Sad stories?” “Yes. I used to tell women how poor I was as a kid and then they would feel sorry for me and I would get sympathy sex.” “Oh really?” I nonchalantly replied as I quickly ran a scan on my memory hard drive. “Yes, one story I told was how we were soooo poor that we could not buy potato chips so my mother would peel a couple of slices off of potato and drop them into the oil so we could have a couple of chips with our lunch.

I started to laugh knowingly. Embarrassed, he asked if he happened to tell me that story too. “Yes, actually you did.” “Did it work on you?”  “No, I recall I told you that I was sorry you were poor and offered to buy you the biggest bag of chips I could find to make up for it.” He laughed” Sometimes, you are just cold.” I just smiled and thought…Not cold, it just took you a little longer to suck me in.

Now I am talking about a lovely man who just happens to be a non-believer. He does not know how to act or think any other way than the flesh. If you recall I just asked him if he had met anyone interesting and I never asked if he was sleeping with anyone. Now I know some of you are thinking but I don’t know those kinds of men. I only know GODLY single men who would never play games. But just because you found yourself a single “Christian” man doesn’t mean anything until he repeatedly proves it by his actions. Don’t be so naive to think that some Godly men aren’t tossing a few slices in the oil and calling it Jesus.

I know some single Christian women who cry about not having a man but never venture out to find one. They basically drive to work and back home again. Now unless a man hurls himself onto your windshield how do you expect to ever meet one? It’s impossible. Reminds me of the homebody roommate I had years ago who developed a strange crush on the Dominoes delivery guy.  Yep. Ordered it every weekend for over a year. Big world out there when you decide to participate.

Or what about the single women who continue to throw their lines into a limited pond? You know the ones. They go to church on Sunday, Wednesday and any other day it is open. They attend every conference, talk, or workshop, and all fight over the same 5 single men who are not available because they are also on the hunt and you ain’t her!

Then one day these women start to panic at living life alone and they jump at the first sighting of something that LOOKS Godly. You say well that is certainly not me but then you find yourself putting on something nice and starting to hit the groups you have never been to. You have traded a past life of hitting the bars for a church crawl so you can soberly scope out the available Godly talent. You are determined not to spend one more Holiday alone. You look around the room and observe the pack for a while. You ignore the speaker because you are too busy categorizing every male in the place. Hmmm, married, taken, too old, too young, crazy, weird, homeless, potential stalker, and then you see someone who appears normal and available. You watch from afar and are suddenly mesmerized by how he raises his hands and voice in worship. His left hand is ringless and you are encouraged. He occasionally pauses to flip open his bible and you know the Lord is speaking words of wisdom to him. He is not easily distracted and listens intently to the speakers. Your heart races and you think oh I want a Godly man just like him! One that worships and reads his bible! I can even bring him to conferences instead of going with my girlfriends. We can volunteer together and start a ministry and and and….. Girl wake up. Let me slap you upside your head right now before you get caught up in the trance. As soon as he bags you or his ideal woman he won’t be going to any more conferences. I don’t care how Godly he looks as only time will tell if he is just playing your game. The “I know you all are looking for a Godly man so I will gladly play the part” game. Are all men like this? No. But take the time to check it out. Just sayin.

Next time you spot someone new take a breath and pause before you get all tingly because he appears to be the man you have been waiting for. Or stop when fear grips you and you feel like you will live the rest of your days alone. So ALONE that you will probably lie dead on the floor for days with your face half eaten away by your 8 cats before anyone thinks to check on you. Don’t let that fear or panic control you so that you plan to grab the next available guy that comes along just because you are afraid you have no other options.

You shake your head and say that is not me but we all know how it starts…ha! Is he single? Yes? Really? Oh my! Single AND a Christian! This must be the one. I know Papa God said I would meet my mate in church one day. He is kind of cute but I would definitely have to dress him differently and OMGoodness his hair! He does need a woman. I hope he has a job. No? That’s okay we can start our ministry right away. What? He does? A good job? Yay, God! DING DING DING DING DING!!!!! Winner Winner Chicken Dinner! Now I KNOW he is the one. Why else would God have me come here on this particular night AND me having a good hair day? Single, Christian, and a job! Yes, I could definitely make this work!!!!!

Slow down Ruth and wait for your Boaz. God may have some work to do on him yet. Or worse yet maybe some work to do on you. Gasp! Be open to being led by God, even if it means having to get out of your house, church, or nearest revival center to do it. There just might be some lovely man out in the world who isn’t quite a Christian yet. Remember you weren’t always quite the believer you are now. Or it might be someone you would never think would be your type. Or someone you already met or see on a regular basis and I am not talking about the pizza guy. Might be someone who would be perfect for you if you just gave him half a chance to prove he is or could be the Godly man you always hoped for.

Beep!

Last week I was awakened at 5 am by a loud BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Oh crap. That’s an alarm! I crawled out of bed and turned on the light in my hallway to check my Carbon Monoxide detector. Hmmm looks normal. Smoke detector? Nope. I literally have one eye open as I continue to wander around my house looking for the noise. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! I suddenly remember an old detector in my bedroom behind a clothes rack.

I pull it out of the wall and see an ERROR symbol. False alarm. Oh good, I can go back to sleep. I sit down on my bed and start yanking on the wires. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Aggghhhh! I have no idea what to do and those suckers are like welded on. How do I disconnect this? My head is pounding and I just want the noise to stop so I start looking through my house for a scissors to cut the wires. I take the sharpest pair and am now trying to cut through every wire. It’s like trying to dismantle a bomb! Nope. These babies are tough! I don’t even think a Ginzu knife could do the job. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Frustrated, I want the noise GONE so I walk to the back door to throw it outside. Duh? Jeanne it is 5 am! Your neighbors don’t want to hear that noise either.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Lord! Aggggh!!!! How can I get this to stop? “Put it in the freezer.” “Huh? That won’t work.” “Yes it will.”

So I toss it in the freezer, close the door and crawl back into bed. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Lord this is not going to work! Yes. it will. Just be patient. I continued to toss and turn for another 5 minutes. All of a sudden I hear…..BEEP! pause… Beep! pause …… beep pause and then bee…. And just like that, my poor little CO detector was frozen to death. Ha! I forgot all about it until tonight when I was digging in my freezer. I think this weekend, I am going to try to thaw it out to see if it will come back to life. Yes. My first dead raising.

Well Peeps. That is your single woman’s handyman tip of the day! Freezers. They’re not just for Pizza any more.

Plant Parent

Many years ago, I belonged to a large church and there always seemed to be someone promoting their kid’s school fundraiser. I bought a live plant arrangement but didn’t pick it up for two weeks. Of course, by then, it was almost dead, and the parent told me she would refund my money. Nah, that’s okay, I told her and planned discreetly to discard it on my way out.

I then saw an older couple with their 40-something son, Billy, who had recently gotten out of treatment. He had moved back in with them and they were concerned, as he was extremely depressed. He felt like a huge loser who would never redeem himself in life because he had wasted so much of it with drugs and alcohol. The couple had asked us to pray for Billy, as he spent most of his day in bed, and they were afraid he was suicidal.

I smiled and waved as I passed them by and God said, “Stop and give Billy the plant. Tell him I want him to bring it back to life.”

I thought, Nah!. Why would God want me to give this depressed guy a dead plant? God persisted and whispered, “trust me”, so I finally turned around and handed it to Billy. “Yes, I know this is weird, but God told me to give you this plant and that you would bring it back to life.” Billy laughed, ” You mean resurrect it?” ” I smiled. “Yes. I’m serious.” I laid my hands on him and said a prayer for healing, and then I left.

A month later, I ran into this same family again after church. I was so glad to see a happier Billy, who was also sporting a new haircut and a sharp buttoned-down shirt. “Hey, Jeanne! I saved that plant you gave me and I now have it sitting in my bedroom window.” I thought he was kidding and figured the plant had died the next day. But as Billy wandered off to get coffee, his mother told me he tended to that plant every day. He was so touched that God had spoken to me about him, he was taking the responsibility seriously. She said she watched as he came out of his depression because he now had something to put his focus on other than himself.

God brought this memory back to me yesterday. I got teared up all over again. God is so amazing. He can take something so simple and heal through it. He can work through anyone and that means you and me! Next time you feel like God is asking you to do something “odd” feel stupid and do it, anyway. You might just be planting a seed or literally helping to bring someone back to life.

Whatcha Got Cookin

Today, Cub Foods was so packed it was like Trump was making an appearance. I patiently waited, with my cart, to get through the baking aisle as Zevia was just around the corner ON SALE. It is several days before Christmas and half the store must be stalled right in front of me looking for sprinkles. I suddenly saw a man bend down and grab a container of No Salt off of a lower shelf.

I shouted “Oh that’s where it is! I have been looking for No Salt for years here. I didn’t notice it until you bent over”. The guy stood up and in a very thick Brooklyn accent said” Thanks! Its been awhile since anyone noticed me bend over”. I responded “You’re welcome!” And then we both started laughing.

These 2 older women turned to look at us and wrinkled up their faces like ewwwww… like we were hooking up in front of the Cake Flour. Apparently, today, the baking aisle was serious business and our banter was not acceptable midwest humor. My east coast girlfriends would think it was funny and know it was harmless. Good to laugh today. Good to laugh any day.

Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and all that jazz…..

Do You

A friend commented once, “Well, a person can always tell where they stand with you. If you didn’t like me it would be glaringly obvious!” I was surprised as I always thought I had a poker face. This was years ago and when I relayed the story to my therapist, he laughed.

My. Therapist. Laughed.

Dr.L, “Oh, sorry…you’re serious! No, I would say that is not true. You wear your heart on your sleeve and your annoyance definitely on your face!” “”I do?” I laughed today as I thought about this. We can all be so clueless about ourselves.

As I get older I have just made peace with myself. I will never be blonde or petite. Never be patient. Never be calm 24/7. Especially not in a drive-thru. What you see is what you get …..for right now. But I am totally ok with that. Are you? With you? Ha! I hope you are all nodding; Why, yes. Yes, I am.

You might be thinking “New man! New man in Christ, Jeanne. Stop speaking that old you back from the dead.”

Oh my, close that pie hole, beloved! (See right there I stopped myself from using more fun and colorful words!). If you knew me years ago, you would see that a lot of me has changed. For the better.

Part of moving on from the old man is not continuing to spank yourself because you aren’t 100% perfect. And may never be! Stop going back and reliving bad stories about yourself. Unless it’s a testimony to give God glory or a good laugh because you aren’t that person anymore. Be thankful, FB and Return Of The Karens on Youtube wasn’t invented when you were doing stupid #$%$.

Aggh see there I go again….

Drive Thru Wars

Around noon today, I pulled thru a Mcdonalds’ to get a bag of ice and an iced coffee. Two long lines and it was icy and slippery in a couple of spots. You all know how it goes. It’s a zipper merge after you place your order. The car in the inside lane is trying to merge in front of me and having difficulty. It is an icy patch and the car’s wheels are spinning. So I stop to give the person room to get out of the spin. The guy behind me honks!!! My window was open, and I yelled, “What is your problem????? The car is stuck! .” “The guy honks his horn again and yells” Move on! Drive around them! What is your problem???? “

Oh no, you didn’t! I freakin lost it! I just started screaming back at him! Was he HANGRY? Or just being a jerk? WTH. Don’t be honking at me when I am trying to avoid an accident. And you just disrupted my happy place, as I love my $1.25 bag of McDonalds’ ice. I continued to give the guy behind me a death glare in my side mirror as I proceeded to the first window. Then I thought….. Jesus’ love ain’t bubbling out of you right now! You are being a scary redhead, Jeanne! You need to buy that guy his lunch. Should I? I waited for God to confirm. Nope :).Ha! No soup for you!

I got up to the window, and the cashier looked a little afraid, as I am sure everyone inside heard us yelling. I just smiled, and she laughed. She probably thought don’t mess with this Peliroja Loca! (Crazy redhead). When I picked up my ice and drink at the next window, the next person flashed me a huge smile and chuckled.

The drive-thru wars. Must make the employee’s day when the customers are yelling at each other instead of complaining about the cold fries.

No High like…..

Tonight I was in a live zoom meeting and was distracted trying to listen while multi-tasking. At the end, Shawn Bolz was praying over us and God said “You need to hear this” and BAM……

The Holy Spirit hit me and I was just completely wrecked! My head fell into my hands and I couldn’t move as Shawn finished speaking. Then they announced the recording had stopped, but some people were still hanging on. I am sure, on camera, I must have looked like I was high or in a sugar coma :). I sat motionless, with my head down, for several minutes until I could reach up and shut my laptop. I then sat for another 10 minutes glued to my chair! Second time this week. Been a long time since I have felt a tangible Holy Ghost presence. It was an almost daily occurrence when I was a new believer.

While He had my undistracted attention He said:

“This is what you in Me and Me in you feels like in your flesh. It is overwhelming and your mind can’t comprehend it. It spills out of your heart or your spirit center and floods your body. I give my children this tangible feeling so that they know I am real and that I abide in them and they in Me. Hold this feeling in your heart. Imprint it on your heart. I haven’t gone anywhere. My spirit does not come on you, my spirit is always in you. In you. With you. Not beside you. You are in Me and I am in you. You won’t feel this 24/7 but that does not mean it is not TRUTH. It’s the Spirit’s truth.

I knew exactly what He meant even though I find it hard to articulate it now.

I believe we are all going to have more incidences of the tangible presence of the Lord. I still feel like I have had a couple of glasses of wine.

No high like the Most High 🙂

Ready To Pivot

I heard “MOVE OVER” and immediately turned my wheel in the direction of the curb just as a car in the left lane crossed over into mine. By 2 feet! The driver quickly corrected the error and got back into their lane. If I hadn’t immediately moved over when I heard the command, they would have hit me!

What did “MOVE OVER” sound like? Just like my own thoughts, only very matter-of-fact. So I reacted on autopilot. Kind of like, “Dunkin Donuts! Drive-thru for Cold Brew!”

I am still amazed that my vehicle moved over to the precise spot to avoid the accident. Like Jesus had taken over the wheel (OMG, don’t start singing that song in your head.)

One time Dan and I were driving back from Iowa. I saw a woman coming down a very long entrance ramp onto 35W. Her head was turned as she was yelling at someone in the backseat. God said to me “She doesn’t see you. Move over, she doesn’t see you.” So I relayed this to Dan and he got upset. “We have the right of way. Relax! I know how to drive! ” I kept one eye on her car and continued to plead with him to move over, but, he wouldn’t budge. He told me I was being paranoid because I had been in a serious car accident. As the woman came off the ramp, Dan had to swerve into the left lane and yelled, “She almost hit us! She didn’t see us!”

“I tried to tell you, Dan! I heard Him, but apparently, you didn’t”. Isn’t that just how life is? God may be warning you of something and your family thinks you’re nuts. Paranoid. Early dementia.

God may also be calling you to stop, move over or go in a new direction. Suddenly you are selfish. Or controlling. Or off your meds. It’s hard when others can’t see or agree with the road He has you on. Especially if they are not called to ride along or are fearful they will be left behind.

Allow God to Uber this wild ride you are called to for 2023. Give others the grace to take their own Uber. 2023 is going to be an interesting year. Eye-opening. Life changing.

Get ready to pivot kids.