The Dying Have Their Own Agenda

“The dying have their own agenda”

The night before Dan launched the hospice nurse sat us down for her “hard talk”. She told us “The dying have their own agenda as to when they are going to leave this world. So if you’re someone who is going to feel guilty or cheated because you weren’t there when they take their last breath, you need to get this. They might leave just when you step out of the room. Don’t wait. Tell Dan tonight how much you loved him, share good memories, and it’s okay to tell him that you will miss him but that you will be okay. It may not seem like it, but he can still hear you.”

I was glad for her frank talk but I thought he can’t be leaving this soon. Just that morning, another hospice nurse had told us that Dan had probably 4-6 more days. I had to go back to Minneapolis, for a day, but maybe he would hang on until I returned. Besides, I didn’t even know what to say and didn’t want to break down. He had told me earlier in the day that I needed to be his “positive reinforcement” and to believe for his healing.

Several hours later, I slipped into Dan’s room and sat on the bed. I leaned down close to whisper in his ear so a group in the next room couldn’t hear me. Lord please help me to say goodbye.

I was surprised at how easily my feelings for him poured out of me. I told Dan I loved him and was grateful for every minute I had gotten with him. I shared some special memories of him and our trips and asked forgiveness for not always being a pleasant redhead 🙂. I shared that I had never felt loved by anyone as I did by him and that he had helped to heal a big hole in me. I cried as I told him that I would miss him terribly, but that I would be okay.

I sat back up and looked down at Dan’s face and saw one large beautiful tear coming down from his left eye. I knew he had heard me and I wanted to hold onto that precious perfect moment forever. The presence of the Holy Spirit had filled the room and I could feel His eternal love for both of us. I was sad, but yet I felt joyful as the realization hit me that I would see Dan again.

The next morning, I briefly stepped out of his room to dig something out of my purse and Dan left. Like, I am not waiting around for you to find some gadget in that Bermuda Triangle purse of yours. The purse he bought me because my old one wasn’t “big enough”. I was like WTHeck? I was just talking to you!

I am so glad the hospice nurse had given us her hard talk. I may have mistakenly thought I had more time to think of the perfect way to say see you later….

Please don’t wait to share with someone how you feel.

Someone needs to hear this…. you can do this and I love you!

Always On Time

As Dan and I waited for our lunch at Applebees, a young couple walked in and sat near us. The woman was striking with very black hair and large dark eyes. I tried to turn back to our conversation but God had other plans as He continued with WOK and prophetic downloads. “Ok, ok. I am on my way Daddy God.” I wasn’t in the mood and felt self conscious as I got up to give the word. I was glad the place wasn’t busy as I stood in front of their booth.

“Excuse me, I am not trying to evangelize you and just wanted to tell you what God just said to me about you.” I told her that God had told me she was beautiful inside and out. She was kind hearted and He desired that she live a life of peace. That He wanted to take her out of a life of drama. That her life would be interesting and fulfilling if she would be willing to be open to new people and new experiences.”

She looked shocked “Who told you this?” “ God did” I glanced over at her companion and by the huge grin on his face I could tell that I had just read her mail.

“Again, I am not trying to evangelize you and…..”. She smiled “That’s okay. Thank you so much. I needed to hear this.”

I went back to our table and our meal was served soon after. I noticed she glanced over at me numerous times and wondered what she was thinking.

Maybe this experience for her was the start of many other “interesting” non-drama experiences and I prayed that it was.

Always step out. Always. I have never had a bad experience sharing God’s love and encouragement. I believe it is because God has already supernaturally prepared the receiver’s heart to receive. God’s word always seems to be right on time.

You are known by God

Our server was a cute young girl with a huge smile. She dropped off menus and sped off in the opposite direction. God whispered “student”.
God I think every young person working in a restaurant is a student. That must just be me! I turned back to the menu and several minutes later, Dan said “Our server must be a manager, she is just running all over the place.” I looked up to see her on the opposite side of the large room. “Student” I heard again. Nope, thats got to be me. She probably is a manager. She served our meals and when she came back with the bill I heard again. STUDENT. Ok, Daddy God I hear you!

“Are you a student? You have 6 months left?”
“Yes, how did you know? I am a nursing student”
“What! Yes I want to work with babies. Seriously, how do you know?”
“God told me. Your clinicals will be easier now too. Not like the mental health one you just had”
Her mouth dropped open. God seriously had her attention and obviously her class schedule.

God went on to tell her how much He loved her and that He had her back. That this Fall she would be so happy she chose this profession and that she would know in her heart this was her calling. I assured her that He was the perfect parent and not critical and demanding perfection. She stood at our table in awe at how much God loved her that He would speak through a stranger.

She went on to tell us how she loved school and nursing, but that her father was not happy that she just wanted to be a nurse and adamant that she further her studies to become a nurse practitioner but she wasn’t interested. How she felt bad about how she had strayed away from God this past year and had just recently changed her ways. That she really missed that connection with Him.

God told her that He loved her just as she was. I opened up my bag and pulled out a $20. “Here, He told me to give you this.” Dan, who had been sitting quietly, pulled out some cash and added to her tip which almost equaled our bill.

She was delighted at the big tip, thanked us and said she couldn’t wait to tell her mother later that night what we had told her. “Great! God loves you so much and knows who you are. We could have gone anywhere but He sent us here tonight just to tell you.”

She stood at our table for several more minutes and just smiled at us. I could tell she wanted to stay longer and talk but it was time to move on. Dan turned to me and said “How do you do that?” I don’t know, but it isn’t any skill I have. The easiest times are when I just repeat what I hear God say and try not to put the pieces together myself. At some point you just get out of the way and realize it ain’t about you, boo.

Never doubt that your interactions with others are insignificant. God is always speaking to us. All of us. But, we can’t always hear Him ourselves. Help someone hear Him this week. Spread His love.

Write a comment…

God cares about everything!

A beautiful truck pulled up next to me as I was pumping gas.

Hmmmm Is it Gray? Green? Greenish Gray?

I couldn’t tell but it was the prettiest color I had seen in a long time. I wanted to ask the driver when he got out but he had his head down and didn’t look open to conversation.
Oh just ask him what color it is. He isn’t going to bite your head off. I kept being prompted to ask him, but felt stupid.
Finally I blurted out “Beautiful truck, is it green or gray?”

A huge smile crossed his face.

“Both I guess. A Greenish Gray, I think. Thanks you made my day!”.


“I just bought it a couple of days ago and really loved the color. Today I was having second thoughts. So thanks so much for mentioning it.”

As I drove away I realized it was God who kept prompting me to say something. As bizarre as that may sound, I know it’s the truth. We can tend to think that God just gives BIG words. Especially to strangers. Big words about jobs. Changes. Healing revelations. Something life altering that will bring tears to the recipient. But God even cares about the little things. Like reassuring His kids about the unique paint job of a new truck they just bought.

We really make this too hard. Feel prompted to say or do something and it doesn’t go away? Just do it!

As long as it isn’t mean, you might just make someone’s day 🙂

Rock on peeps!

Time To Get Unstuck

Are you tired of being stuck? You might just be the captain of your own dysfunctional Carnival Cruise!

We store thoughts or information in our minds and store beliefs in our hearts. Thoughts = beliefs = action. How do some of your thoughts become beliefs? By attaching emotions to it. The more times you attach emotions to a thought the stronger that belief gets. That is why it doesn’t take more than a heartbeat to get your blood boiling when you repeatedly think about that person that hurt you. It is more than a memory and it has now become a belief that has a very quick trigger. That is also why it is really important to break that circuit by sharing good stories or testimonies.

Why? Because we have been taught about life from stories since we were small children. Some good. Some bad. Unfortunately, we continue to tell ourselves stories that are lies, no longer true or keeping us stuck. When we share testimonies or hear testimonies of God’s goodness, healing, provision, etc. it stirs up emotions in us. We feel the reality of God! We feel what He can do and will do. It speaks the miracle or action prophetically into our own lives. When enough of those stories get imprinted into our hearts, it becomes a belief. These beliefs give us hope and propel us forward. When we are hopeless we remain stuck. The more it is imprinted, the stronger the belief gets. Good or bad. That is why it is easier to believe God in some areas and not in others. We just haven’t attached enough good or Godly emotions or proof to the areas we struggle in.

Purpose this week to share testimonies of God’s goodness in your life. Not only will it help someone else, but it will remind you of Him. I am tired of being stuck by some of the negative stories I continue to tell myself. It is time to put some emotions to the good stuff, so we can call more of it into our lives. God told me to make the month of March a march forward month. How about you?

Share your testimonies this week and let me know how you not only change the atmosphere around you…..but how it changes the beliefs in your heart!

March on, beloveds!

Dead Daddy Roulette

“Hi Dad! How are you?”

It’s 6:00 pm and I had just entered his unit. The tv was blaring and he made no movement as I walked past his chair.

“Dad?” I looked down to see his chin resting on his chest, mouth open and he didn’t appear to be breathing.

Oh crap! Did I just win dead daddy roulette?

Don’t hate me, but I am not looking forward to pulling that short straw! Just a matter of time before I or one of my sisters are going to walk in to find him permanently asleep.

Not on my watch, Papi! 😎 Ha!

“Dad! Dad!”

He quickly sits up. “Don’t ever do that again!!!”

“What? Wake you up? Or wake you up from the dead?”

“Next time, just let me be”

“Ok, but I thought you were dead. You weren’t breathing”

“ That’s how I sleep.”

“But you weren’t……

“I want to make it to 100!”

Yikes! 100? Most of the time, I don’t think you will make it till the end of the week.

Lord, please help me to find the time to visit him more often. Help him to open his heart to you too. You know I have tried. It’s on your watch now. Help him home.

God sees your goodness!

When I got off the plane in Phoenix I was surprised to see 5 Delta employees waiting, in a line, with wheel chairs. A man flagged me down, when he saw my cane, and asked if I needed a ride to baggage claim. “no, I am okay” . “Are you sure? Its almost a mile walk.” Ahhh. ok. My ankle is throbbing and I don’t think I can make a mile.

I got in the chair and felt really self conscious. “You don’t have any carts here like at MSP? “No.” “You’d think with all of the senior snow birds that flock here, you would have a fleet of them.” “No. We’re the fleet and we are glad to help.”

He pushes me to baggage and won’t let me get out of the chair. “I’ll grab your bag and wait with you until your friends get here.” I assure him I am okay, but he insists on waiting with me. He then runs to get several tourist guides as he wants me to “enjoy my stay”.

I feel stupid sitting in the chair and I try to ignore the people walking by giving me a sad look like…..I wonder whats wrong with her? I wish my friends would arrive so I can escape this helicopter attendant. He is sweet, but I am trying to avoid eye contact. I am also looking around to see if the doctor I saw earlier, on the plane, is picking up her baggage as I have a word for her.

God suddenly illuminates the man’s face to me and I turn to look at him. Really look at him. John looks almost 70, has dyed reddish hair and reminds me of Woody Allen sans eye glasses. “Are you a teacher? Or a trainer? God is showing me something about that.”

His mouth drops open! “Well actually I am a retired optometrist and I lived in Costa Rica and some other countries for awhile and would teach remote towns and village eye doctors how to set up an eye clinic and treat their patients more efficiently. I am actually waiting for my paperwork so I can go teach in Mexico.” WOW! I tell him that God is showing me a picture of him teaching and training others and that he is good at it. He can relate to anyone he speaks with and then God gives me some detailed information as to how he is making a difference.

John is a little freaked out but thanks me for relaying the information. My friends show up and he insists on pushing me to the car rental shuttle bus.

I continue to tell him what God is telling me and I can tell my friends think it is a little odd, but I am getting used to these public WOK. Ha! One friend tells him “yes she is very psychic” Well kind of, but it is the God kind of psychic. Ha!

A week later, of course I run into John, again, as I am looking for a Starbucks while waiting for my return flight. He remembers me, waves and asks if I want to hear some adventures he has had abroad. Sure! I love stories! I sat for almost a half hour listening to some incredible stories. “You have got to write a book! I would buy it” He smiles and tells me he used to love to write and thinks he may do that once he gets to Mexico.

I thanked him and walked back to my gate. I am glad we met and I hope he writes that book! Never underestimate what God can and will do through you. At any time, in any place and with anyone.

Makes my day every time God gives me a word for someone. I think it blesses me more than it does the other person.

God hangs out at Frankie’s

Long after church was over, a group of us stragglers decided to grab lunch.   Our favorite place was packed and there was a 20 minute wait.  We drove to a nearby restaurant and were told the same wait time.  At this point, everyone was starved so we just walked down the sidewalk to find anything that was open and landed at Frankie’s Pizza.

My salad was nothing spectacular but I didn’t care.  Why? Because I love this group!  These are my peeps!  Its always fun.  Always interesting.  As we were finished up and waited for the bill, I decided to run to the bathroom.  As I pushed open the ladies’ room door,  a woman rushed out and she almost knocked me over.  She grabbed my arm, “I am so sorry, baby!”  “No, problem”  I smiled, “guess it scared us both.”  She nodded “Yes,  you never expect it and when I came out of my apartment and there was this guy with a hood up on his jacket and……    I didn’t really hear the rest of it as God suddenly illuminated her face and said “She is looking for a job.  A different job.   Ask her about that.”

“Are you looking for a job?  Do you need a job?”    Her eyes got big ” Well, what do you have in mind?  Do you have a job for me?”   “No.  God just told me that you don’t like your job and you are looking for a different one.”

“What?  Now you have me spooked.  How did you know that?.  I was just sitting at the bar telling my friend I didn’t like my job and wanted to get a different one.  We were so quiet that I didn’t think anyone could hear us.”

Me: “Well I didn’t hear you. In fact, I didn’t even notice there was a bar.   I am sitting over there with a group of people from my church, our pastor and his wife.  God knows you want a new job so just be open to it.  Be open to doing something different.  You are very organized and have a great attention to detail.  God has something that will use your gifts.”

“I mean why would God tell you this?  Can you see how I would be freaked out?  I am sitting at the bar having a drink with my friend.  Why would God speak to you about me if I am having a drink at the bar? ”

Me:”Do you really think God cares that you are having a drink at the bar?”

She pauses. ” Well, I mean I AM drinking at a bar!”   She asks my name and tells me hers is Kia.

Me ” Do you really think that God cares that you having a drink at the bar? He isn’t checking ID’s 🙂  I mean they didn’t run out of wine at the wedding until the apostles showed up.”  She laughs!  She must have had some church if she gets my joke.

I continued “He loves you.  He wants the best for you and wants you to know there is more.   We went to 2 restaurants first and came here because there was a wait. We never eat here. He wanted us to connect, so I could tell you this.”

Kia starts to tear up. “Wow.  He does love me.  Can you see how this would freak me out.  I was just telling my friend how much I would like a different job. Thank you so much.  I don’t want to come over to your table and pray with you if I have been drinking.”

I just smiled. ” God isn’t freaked out by you having a drink and you don’t have to come to our table and pray.   Have a blessed day.”  She smiled and thanked me and walked way.

When I returned to our table, I scanned the room and was not surprised that Kia had fled the restaurant.  Ha!  I probably killed her buzz !  You can’t take me any where!

I told my peeps what happened and we laughed.  God is every where.  God is always speaking to us or through us.  No drink at the bar, or needle in your arm or blow up your nose will ever stop Him from speaking to you.  Or loving you.  Or wanting the best for you.

I hope Kia thought about it later and I hope she recognizes when that new job opportunity door is opened to her.

Just never fails to amaze me how cool God is.  You can’t out cool God 🙂




More than Blah


Snow in April isn’t bringing my soul much sunshine.  I am so tired of snow and grey skies.  Makes me feel BLAH.  Makes me feel stuck. On hold.  Cooped up. Like cabin fever of the mind, body and soul. You’d think I would spend this time finishing the book I have been working on forever.  Or, at least, reading one of the many books that I have purchased in the past year that are piled up in a corner in my office. How about something that doesn’t take that much energy? Cleaning closets? alphabetizing my spice jars? Nope.  Just sitting like a lump.

“God, why do I feel this way?”

“You can blame it on the weather, but it is what is in your heart. You feel blah because you feel there is nothing to move forward to.  Forward in.  You are not willing to move through the blah to see what else I have for you.”

Yikes!  He responded so quickly that I didn’t have time to realize I don’t really want an answer.  But that is the truth.   I don’t know if I want to move through the blah.   Right now it feels too comfortable, too familiar.  I can sit in my favorite chair, with my Zevia, and mindlessly watch another sitcom reboot.  I mean what life would ever feel complete without the new adventures of Roseanne, Will and Grace or Dynasty?

Then I begin to think of all of the people who are no longer on this earth to complain about feeling blah.  Now I feel guilty.  Selfish and petty.  Just get up off your a$$ and do something.  That will make you feel better!  But it doesn’t, because I can’t.  I don’t want to.

“You ask not.  That is your struggle.  You ask not.  You have given up on your dreams. Hopes.  Desires.  You no longer have any dreams because you have lost the desire to move forward.  Why?  Do you want to know why?”

Not really.  Now I am a little spooked.  Lately, I tend to ask God general things and not specific questions.  Maybe I am afraid He would really answer.  AND in detail!  Or maybe I am afraid I am nuts. One of those weird ass Christians that I joke about.  “Ok, why? ” and I hold my breath for the answer.

“Because you don’t feel you deserve anything better.  You feel like you have reached that which you are supposed to have.  You feel lucky to be alive after the accident.  You feel like to ask for much more is just being greedy and selfish.  I have more for you.  I really do.  Wasn’t your time to perish.  Just a bump in the road. Stop hearing my voice through the voice of your parents.  My voice is filled with love, hope and edification.  You are my daughter and like any parent I want the best for you. But unlike any earthly parent, I can make it all happen.  By my power through you.  By my power through others.  My children are missing that point of salvation.  Of the resurrection.  My power is abundant and there for the asking.  You can do everything through me.  Because of me.  Nothing gets held back.  Regardless of what is going on in the world.  I can change hearts and make things happen.  What is it that you desire?  Do you want me to place my desires for you in your heart?  Would that take you out of your blahs? ”

He stops and waits for my answer and I am afraid to say yes.  Afraid that I can’t do what He wants me to do.  Like maybe He wants me to schlep around on people’s couches again or go to Africa where it hot and filled with bugs and snakes. I pause.  Before I can tell Him I am afraid He says “Paul wandered, but he was taken care of financially.   Would I not take care of you?  Not everyone is called to have nothing of worldly goods nor go on a tropical mission for me.”

“Ok.  I am still afraid but I will say yes.   Place your desires in my heart.  Make it a burning desire.  Make it burn so much that I want to do it.  Not just start it, but to finish it too.”  I don’t hear anything, but i think it is probably because I am afraid to.  Amazing how we can shut off the communication on our end and then complain that He isn’t talking to us.  I decide to jump in the bath and as the water fills the tub I tell Him to fill my heart with His desires for me.  How will I know when that is?  I guess  I will have the desire to get up out of my current existence and do something else.  Something better.  Probably something scary.

I am ready.  Not ready.  I surrender.  I am ready.  Nope, not ready…….yet.

God, please light a fire under my a$$ and one in my heart. Lord only you can help me get off the hamster wheel.  Its up to you.  Its always been up to you.  As I can do nothing without you.

Philippians 2:13 The Passion Translation 

13 God will continually revitalize you, implanting within you the passion to do what p pleases him.[a] . 



“Billy” Billy? “Yes, Billy” God shows me an image of young Billy standing straight and tall over a couple of people. I stop what I am doing and for several minutes watch a scene play out, like a video, in my mind’s eye. Before I can ask why, I hear “Tell his mother, Angela, what I am showing you.” Yikes! “God, I don’t even know if she believes in you and now you want me to tell her that you are talking to me? About her son?”

Aggghhh I haven’t even had my coffee yet. Do I even want to go there right now? I have a choice. I don’t have to tell her anything, as God would still love me anyway. But, would I want her to miss out on something really cool? Something that could be confirming? Comforting? Life changing? Or will she just think I am nuts? Or even worse, one of those weird ass Christians? Before I have a chance to weigh the consequences I blurt out…..

” I know you are going to think this is strange, but God just showed me something about Billy that I think you should hear. No worries. Its all good. God is showing me that Billy is very mature. That he is a leader. A quiet leader. The teachers love him and the other students listen to him. I hear God say several times that Billy is a SHINING EXAMPLE. I see him towering over a group of people. He hates bullying. Someone is getting teased or bullied in his group and I can see him saying “Stop. Don’t do that! That isn’t cool, man!” And it stops. God is showing me that he is where he needs to be, right now. He is making a difference and changing those around him by the way he is. By who he is. By the way he treats people.” Angela smiles. “That is exactly him! That is exactly how Billy would handle it too! There is a lot of anger and dysfunction with the others in the group. So glad to hear that and maybe something happened today and he stood up for someone. Thanks so much for telling me. And say hi for me.”

“Hi for you?” ” Yes, hi to God.” and she looks upward. “Sure.” I laugh and walk away with a smile. I am glad I told her. I guess I am always glad I share with someone what I hear. And I can imagine that any parent is happy to hear that there son is doing well and liked by others. Especially when one’s son has Autism and goes to school with people who are just like him. Well, maybe not quite just like him yet. Sounds like God is using him to shine a light on how to treat others. Sounds lovely. Actually it sounds like love. God’s love.

I have never met you Billy, but I think I love you already too.

%d bloggers like this: