Memories

Warning long ramble:

Ever shudder when a bad memory surfaces where you said or did something idiotic? Or hurtful? Or illegal?

You suddenly feel a stomach punch. Or a butt clench. Or your cheeks turn red. As Nick Danger used to say “like a hot kiss at the end of a wet fist.” It feels horrible, and it surprised you, but you still react like it just happened.

I had one of those memorable moments the other day. Even though it was 30 years ago, I felt extreme shame and guilt all over again. I had to take control of it or it would have turned into a 2-hour self-hate fest. Ever felt like that? A friend told me he has laid awake at night kicking himself over some stupid stuff that he can never reverse. “Did it make you feel better?” “No. It brought up a train of past scenes that reminded me of what a horrible ass I was.” Hmmm, so why go back? Or better yet, why can’t we stop ourselves from going back there?

Do you want to know how to fix this? Next time that happens, stop mid-self-punishment and say “This is irrelevant. I am no longer that person. It doesn’t matter anymore.” Then thank God that it was years ago before anyone could live-stream it in the making. Even if it was yesterday or you have already made your 15 minutes of fame on YouTube, let it go. You need to stop the pattern of spanking yourself over shit that went down when you were high, horny, hateful, hormonal, or a revenge-raged ex-lover.

We think we have 3 volumes in our life. Past. Present. Future. The truth is, all we have is now. RIGHT NOW. This very moment. No matter what you are doing, it will always be right now…and you will always be in the present moment. You may lament about the past or fear about the future, BUT you are never anywhere else but in the present. (Don’t come for me, you teleporting peeps…. you’d still be in the present even if you were simultaneously in the future).

Even if your hairstyle hasn’t changed, you still love Boonesfarm, pop tarts, and the Grateful Dead, you are still a new person at this very moment. Even if you did the same mistake today, it would still NOT be the same. Think about that one.

You hear about celebrities reinventing themselves. (Gee, anything to get some press) You are no different and are continually reinventing yourself too. Your thoughts, body, cells, beliefs, and values are always changing and moving forward (even if it is backward behavior.) You can’t go backward if you are here… now.

You change with your circumstances. So why hold on to circumstances that no longer fit? Or are no longer relevant? That was the old you. Even if it was yesterday.

Repeat after me . “That is irrelevant. I am no longer that person. I don’t even know who that person was because that is something I definitely would not or even could do today. At this very moment. Or even conceive of doing in my next present moment that will come in the near future.

OMG. I wish she would just stick to funny memes instead of these long rambling notes to herself. Lord, that is 5 minutes I will never get back and…… STOP!

Ha, see even the post you just read is NOW in the past… move forward peeps, and get rid of anything that does NOT matter anymore.

End scene. Enjoy your present moment, Beloveds. It’s all we have, anyway.