Many years ago, my very wise older sister Kathy stopped me cold mid-rant and said, “Do you need permission? “
“Do you need permission not to involve yourself with this person anymore? I permit you to stop subjecting yourself to this person’s abuse. I give your permission to end the friendship.”
I was dumbfounded at first and then relieved! I ended my relationship that day and said goodbye to the drama. I just needed someone to say that it was okay to do so because I couldn’t help myself. Ever feel like that?
Why is it that sometimes we hang on to old stuff, new stuff, or even someone else’s stuff that isn’t working for us? Why do we feel we have to continue to struggle to make things work? Or to fix things? Especially with people who are crazy-making companions at best? Sometimes it takes too much energy to pretend someone’s behavior is, well…normal. So why do we do it? Because there is something inside us that wants to complete something that we started. Cross the T’s. Dot the i’s. Finish off the chips. Make sense of it all.
Sometimes it is good to finish everything we started, and sometimes it is just plain wrong. Can anyone hear me out there about this? God isn’t expecting us to fix anyone or any situation. Only He can do that. You aren’t a failure if you can’t or don’t want to hang in there to see something through that was never your burden to bear in the first place. Sometimes it starts out good, and we don’t see the crazy card until we are well into the game. Or sometimes we have shared too much of our secrets or given up too much of ourselves to another person and dread what would happen if all of this ended. Abruptly. What would we lose? Or what would be exposed? So we hang on to something that should have been cut off years ago, worrying about our reputations and our other 6 degrees of separation and hang on to madness to protect ourselves.
But if you can’t fix something, you also can’t protect yourself if someone decides to GO there for whatever reason. I have people who still talk about me from years ago. Now, I call it free publicity.
Don’t worry. I give you all permission today to stop anything that isn’t working for you. I promise you God will pick up the pieces and make wrong out of right. If He is for you anyone who is against you will not win in the end!
Life here on earth is way too short to throw pearls before swine. Give it up and give it to God. Tell the person you are taking a break and giving it a rest. An indefinite pause. Time to let go of the lies, abuse, and negativity. Time to let go of someone or something that is holding you up or holding you back.
Time to break the news. Even if that person you are breaking it to is yourself.