I Can Hardly Wait

I had one of those….gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go RIGHT NOW kind of days. (Sorry! You’ll be singing this in your head at midnight! Ha! )

After using the bathroom at church, I drove to the nearest Holiday gas station to fill my tank for the week. I chose the button to pay inside at the pump because I had to go…AGAIN! I flung open the door and rushed back to the women’s bathroom. Oh no! It was occupied, and another woman was waiting. “Crap! I can’t wait. I am going to use the men’s room.” I said out loud to no one in particular. The store was empty, and I would make it quick. No one would be any of the wiser.

I entered the bathroom, and when I turned to lock the door, I was surprised to find there wasn’t one. Just a urinal and a stall. “Lord, I hope no one comes in. I will just make it quick,” and I headed into the stall. Mid-process, I heard the door open and a zipper being undone. Quick, Jeanne, say something before he starts…… “Uh! Oh! Oh! I am so sorry!!!” I say in the direction of the loud zipper. No response. Yikes! I do have a low voice; maybe he thinks I am a guy.” I force myself to speak in a higher octave, “Sorry, the women’s bathroom was occupied, and I couldn’t wait!”.

“No problem” I heard the zipper again, and the door opened as the person exited. “Oh, Jeanne! Learn to control that bladder! Or don’t drink so much coffee!” I continued to berate myself as I washed my hands and prayed that this stranger and his bladder had already left the building. Nope. He was waiting outside the bathroom and flashed me a huge ass smile. “I am so sorry. I know if a man was in the women’s bathroom, I would have probably freaked out.” He winked, “No problem, I was just shocked to hear another voice.” I looked down at his shirt and saw he was an employee. “I bet you get this all the time.” “Not really. most people just wait.”

Wait. Wait? I am too old to wait any more. Neither can any of my friends. Haven’t you seen those commercials? We can’t wait unless we take a pill. Or until someone invents a coffee that doesn’t run right through you. Or better yet, let’s just have express bathrooms for those of us over 55.

Thanks, buddy, for being so lovely about it. I don’t know how I would have reacted if I had heard a man’s voice coming from a stall.

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