“The dying have their own agenda”
The night before Dan launched the hospice nurse sat us down for her “hard talk”. She told us “The dying have their own agenda as to when they are going to leave this world. So if you’re someone who is going to feel guilty or cheated because you weren’t there when they take their last breath, you need to get this. They might leave just when you step out of the room. Don’t wait. Tell Dan tonight how much you loved him, share good memories, and it’s okay to tell him that you will miss him but that you will be okay. It may not seem like it, but he can still hear you.”
I was glad for her frank talk but I thought he can’t be leaving this soon. Just that morning, another hospice nurse had told us that Dan had probably 4-6 more days. I had to go back to Minneapolis, for a day, but maybe he would hang on until I returned. Besides, I didn’t even know what to say and didn’t want to break down. He had told me earlier in the day that I needed to be his “positive reinforcement” and to believe for his healing.
Several hours later, I slipped into Dan’s room and sat on the bed. I leaned down close to whisper in his ear so a group in the next room couldn’t hear me. Lord please help me to say goodbye.
I was surprised at how easily my feelings for him poured out of me. I told Dan I loved him and was grateful for every minute I had gotten with him. I shared some special memories of him and our trips and asked forgiveness for not always being a pleasant redhead 🙂. I shared that I had never felt loved by anyone as I did by him and that he had helped to heal a big hole in me. I cried as I told him that I would miss him terribly, but that I would be okay.
I sat back up and looked down at Dan’s face and saw one large beautiful tear coming down from his left eye. I knew he had heard me and I wanted to hold onto that precious perfect moment forever. The presence of the Holy Spirit had filled the room and I could feel His eternal love for both of us. I was sad, but yet I felt joyful as the realization hit me that I would see Dan again.
The next morning, I briefly stepped out of his room to dig something out of my purse and Dan left. Like, I am not waiting around for you to find some gadget in that Bermuda Triangle purse of yours. The purse he bought me because my old one wasn’t “big enough”. I was like WTHeck? I was just talking to you!
I am so glad the hospice nurse had given us her hard talk. I may have mistakenly thought I had more time to think of the perfect way to say see you later….
Please don’t wait to share with someone how you feel.
Someone needs to hear this…. you can do this and I love you!