Fueled Up

Look what I found in my cart today at CVS! Apparently someone needed a little bump to go shopping today. Been there. Years ago, my weekend errand runs were escorted by a 12 pack of Special Export. Usually stashed in the backseat of my car. Of course on ice. I wasn’t that hard core to drink it warm 🙂 Why? I had panic attacks so bad that I couldn’t get into any store or public place without being “fueled up”. My best friend amazon wasn’t invented yet and I had to do it the old fashioned way. My biggest fears were Target and K-Mart. Or any place that had florescent lighting and crowds of people. My mind and body predictively reacted, every time, like I was caught in the middle of a bull run in Spain! I literally thought I was going to die when those panic attacks would hit me. I self medicated for years. Through therapy I finally learned what caused them. I was afraid of everything. Life. Death. Failure. Success. Moving forward. Even though I knew the WHY, I didn’t know how to change anything.

When I started to get rid of the reasons I hated myself along with shame and guilt, the attacks started to somewhat subside. I thank my therapists for that. But when they finally disappeared, it was because of Daddy God. I finally just let Him love me. Right where I was. Right in the middle of it all. I had to give it to Him, because there was nothing left to do with it. Then i started letting Him help me. I can be pretty transparent and I feel like I am supposed to share this for a reason. Not to tell you how bad I used to be, but to open your heart a little. Open your heart to people who are struggling and you can’t understand why. Next time you meet someone who has an addiction or you are frustrated with a family member or friend who can’t seem to get their stuff together, you might want to find out what is “fueling” their need to make bad choices. What is behind it all? Fear? Feat of death? The future? What is too painful to face? Is there something they have done that they don’t feel they will ever be forgiven for?

Start speaking to people about God’s love for them and how letting His love in has changed you. Or how the Holy Spirit has helped you navigate through life. Healed you. Provided for you. Rocked your world! How you are all fueled up on He who lives in and through you. We don’t testify enough about the goodness of God. Just try to be a little normal about it and not give a 3 point sermon after every story. Truth is, it is normal. We were designed to have God live and move through us. To direct us. Not like robots, but in and through the unique way He has created all of us. We are all His creations. Yes, kids. He has created everyone and everything on this planet. Even Hilary. Even Trump. Even that spoiled brat who runs North Korea. We are all God’s kids. Instead of condemning this year, try seeing the good in others that God sees. Then share it with them. Love never fails. Never.